Naranasan mo na ba yung tipong lumalaban ka sa isang pagkakataon na kinakailangang mong magsalita. Laban ka nang laban ngunit walang nangyayari sapagkat di napapakinggan ang munting boses mo. Sino ka ba naman para pakinggan ng tao? Hindi ka naman sikat. Hindi ka naman importanteng tao sa institusyon kung nasan ka. Bakit ka nga naman pakikinggan diba?
Kahit nais mo lang tumulong at ipaglaban ang nakararami minsan ang bulong ng iyong boses ay di sapat para pakinggan ng mga taong nsa mataas na level ng palapag sayo. Kung mahina ang loob mo, susuko ka na lang sa pagkakataong ito at uupo na lamang sa isang tabi habang pinapanood ang mga pangyayaring sa tingin mo/niyo ay di nararapat.
Kung malakas naman ang loob mo ay susugod ka lang sa laban nang di na bulong ang dala kundi sigaw upang ipaglaban ang iyong saloobin at ang saloobin ng iba.
Pero kung "wala" ka sa paningin ng iba paano mo nag ito gagawin? Paano mo iparirinig ang boses na ni minsan di pinakinggan ng tao? Ang sakit noh. Siguro di naman ito nangyayari palagi ngunit kahit man lang isang beses sa buhay natin ay naramdaman o mararamdaman natin na parang walang kwenta ang opinion natin o ang tinig natin. Kung dumadating man ang ganyang pagkakataon bakit hindi tayo lumaban ngunit hindi sa paraang di kanais-nais ngunit sa paraan mas malakas, mas dinig at sa paraang nakakasiguro tayo na may katwiran ang ating sasabihin.
"Ang isang munting tinig na bihirang pakinggan ang kadalasan siyang pinaka may katwiran" -CALOI
Death comes like a thief in the night. it comes usually in the most unexpected way. I started to wonder these past few days if ever a person is truly ready for death. Handa nga ba talaga tayong mamatay kahit na sobrang relihiyoso tau or kahit alam na natin na may sakit tayo at ilang buwan na lng mamatay na tayo. Napakarami kong iniisip sa ngayon tungkol sa kamatayan. bakit dumadating ito sa mga taong di pa handa o sa tingin natin di pa handa? bkit dumadating ito sa mga pagkakataong di nating ineexpect? bkit sa tao pang npakabait and to a person who hasnt really done anything wrong with his life? Only God knows.
I'd like to dedicate this entry to a friend of mine who died just a few days ago.
My kababata and very close friend died last Nov. 18 in the most cruel way possible. For me cruel na yung ngyari sa kanya kasi it was truly unexpected and he does not deserve the horrible death that was thrown at him.
I was at a friends house drinking last thursday when a friend of mine texted me and said "Carlo, tawag ka sakin importanteng balita lang". And so i called. My friend told me that my kababata died that afternoon. Sinaksak. nakaabot sa hospital pero nauubusan din ng dugo in the end. I was so shocked,na nung una di ko nagawang umiyak hangang sa lumabas yung isa kong kaibigan from the room and asked me what happened. wla akong nagawa kundi umiyak! ang bigat sa dibdib coz i totally did not expected the news i just got. Nagulat ako. Naisip ko... "kahapon lang kausap ko lang siya sa cellphone tpos today patay na siya". Wow diba. I went home early that night and couldnt bring myself to face my family on the dinner table with tears continually running down my cheeks. I went straight to my room and cried. Sinigawan pa ko ng kapatid ko. Bastos daw ako kasi dumerecho daw ako agad sa kuwarto ng walang good evening man lang. eventually my mom went upstairs and saw me crying so i told her the news. I cried like a baby in my moms arms in a fetal position. Grabe first time ko atang umiyak ng ganun. Parang ang daming ngyari nung gabing yun. I realized how important people are, i realized how some people can be INsensitive, i realized that i have my family to comfort me.. basta ang dami dami kong naisip! Buti na lng there were people who helped me go through that night (salamat sa inyo).
My friend who passed away was one of those people who inspires me to become a better man. Napakabait nung taong yun. Pinaglalaban niya ang tama. Masunurin siya. Relihiyoso. Not to mention matalino pa siya at masipag! nagpupursige siya para sa pamilya niya. Bilib ako sa kanya. Its so sad that such a person died in a gruesome manner. Masakit!
The past few weeks binubuhay niya ang pagka-estudyante niya as a Student council officer who protects and nagtatanggol sa isang kaibigan niya na najajahe! Pinaglalaban niya ang tama! Ganun kasi tlga siya. he's at ur back pag alam niyang tama ka at pupunahin ka rin niya pag mali ka! totoo siyang tao! Idol ko nga yun eh. Nung araw na namatay siya maraming naisip ang mga tao na dahilan kung bakit siya nasaksak. Sa amin na lng yun kung ano yung mga theories na yun.
I was able to talk to his mom nung isang araw. Shes ok! Kaya daw niya! natutuwa lang siya na nung namatay ang kanyang anak alam niyang may ipinaglalaban tong kabutihan! Bayani siya para sa knyang pamilya at para na rin sakin.
Naisip ko na lng ganyan talaga ang buhay! lahat may wakas. di lang talaga natin alam kung kelan titigil ang takbo ng oras ng buhay natin. Oo pinahahandaan and kamatayan pero sino bang naghahanda? siguro meron sating sasagot na "Ako nghahanda". Para sakin ang importante ay we live our lives to its fullest potential and try to live it in the best way possible. basta't alam ko na na nakagawa na ko ng something worthwhile sabuhay ko then siguro i can say that i am ready. Si Lord lang nakakaalam! Lets just lift it up to him.
FOR MY KABABATA: Chong nsan ka man mahal ka namin! mahal kita and kahit kailan di ka mawawala sa puso't isipan namin!maraming salamat sa pagiging ispirasyon sa mga tao sa paligid mo. alam kong masya ka jan kya maligaya na rin kami para sayo. Hanggang sa muling pagkikita
People have this tendency to run away from lifes realities. We tend to escape our fate or sometimes hide from what is in front of us. We try so hard to wear masks and project to people false truths. Maybe not really show something we are not but maybe hide a part of us that we are not ready to show to people or hide something we are not ready to share. That is why we tend to become clowns in our serious world.
I know a lot of people who tries so hard to project a jolly and gay image to other people. They are those people who crack jokes or keep us in a constant mood of happiness. I am not saying this in general but maybe some. Some say that these people are really the ones who are hiding the true sadness in their eyes. Behind their make-up and never ending smile lies a weeping person waiting to be heard. The problem is they are the ones hiding it.
In some instances I am guilty of such clown image. I guess all of us. Maybe its because we choose not to dwell on the bad things but rather concentrate on the lighter things in life. Its not because we put aside our problems totally but its more of putting it aside in the meantime.
Are you one of those people? If yes then don’t worry because you are not alone. For sure almost everybody who will read this or has read this is guilty of projecting a false image even for just once in their lives.
I remember coming across this story about a clown juggler who entertains people in a small perya. People in the small baranggay where he is working at watches him with awe and delight as he gives so laughter and joy to all people. He shows how fun he is and how much humor he has. But it turns out as this clown removes his make-up and goes home to change his funny clothes, his life is a complete drama. He works hard for a sick mother and his 5 malnourished children and tries to keep them in school. His life is a soap opera in reality.
It is so ironic how a person in such a profession has a dramatic life. If you think about it, it is so hard to have his job of keeping people in joy and giving laughter to people while having a dreadful life. Well I guess that another reality of life, that most people wear masks to be able to live life normally or to at least be happy even for just a few moments in a day.
Why are we afraid to show who we truly are or to show others what we truly feel or what we are experiencing? We have our own reason. Whatever our reasons are time will only tell when we are ready to remove our masks.
*kung may maling grammar os isfeyling pasensya na po! krong krong na ko nung ginawa ko to! :)
You cant expect anything from anyone. Isa yan sa mga natutunan ko sa buhay ko! hindi dapat na basta basta na lng tau magexpect ng something sa isang tao ksi di naman dapat natin inoobliga ang tao na gawin ang gusto nating makuha o ang gusto nating gawin nila. Kahit na sabihin nating yung bgay na inaasahan natin gawin nila ay tama still it is not right to expect na gawin nila yun. Desisyon nila kung ano ang gusto nilang gawin sa buhay nila at desisyon nila kung paano nila tatratuhin ang isang tao. Magulo na naman ba ang mga pinagsasasabi ko? pag pasensiyahan ni0 na ko. Ive been through some things recently that made we think of what i am to others and how i affect their lives. whether i am too controlled, whether i am neglectful or whether i am dominating. I guess one mistake of mine would be that i care too much?! is that wrong? in my experience yes. Siguro dapat lang na we control the level of emotions we give to others. Mali ko siguro is minsan wala na akong tinitira sa sarili ko. Or sometimes sa sobrang binibigay ko nageexpect na tuloy ako sa ibang tao na ganun din ang ibigay sakin! dun sigurado na ko na mali ako! Iba iba ang level of pagmamahal ng isang tao sa isa pang tao. We cant expect another person to love us the same way we love them. if di nila tau matapatan that doesnt mean naman na di narin nila tau mhal! siguro un lng talaga ung kaya nilang ibigay. Tanggapin na lng natin. we should never compare the amount of time, effort or love a person gives us to our own. Iba iba ang tao at yun ang totoo. Natutunan ko yan noon pa pero siguro ngayon lng talaga nag-sink in sa utak ko. Sa mga nangyari recently part of me nagalit at minsan wala nang pakialam. Sabi ko nga minsan i couldnt care less na sa mga bagay bagay at sa mga ibang tao kasi... ewan... tama na siguro. Siguro yun lang ung nararamdaman ko sa ngayon but i know i'll get over the anger or pagtatampo. hopefully. Alam ko naman kung ano ang tamang gawin at kung ano tlga ang tamang maramdaman. I will leave something for myself para in the end hindi rin ako masaktan.
May sense ba?!
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