Crimson Kin

A Users Testimony

2009-07-06T13:43:00.000+08:00

A Users Testimony

As young professionals, we are bombarded with a lot of responsibilities when it comes to our work, our family and even with our social environment. Time is of real importance and every minute really matters to us.

This is also true in the case of 24 year-old, Cristopher San Jose. Having graduated from college a couple of years ago, Cris has embarked in different fields of profession. He has juggled being an events organizer, taking short courses on film-making while also managing his family’s travel agency.

As his friend, I have seen Cris as a social-butterfly, flying from one crowd to another when we are at parties or bars. It’s even funny when we hang out in some of the weirdest places and he still bumps into some people he knows. Truly, this friend of mine has a busy and fast-paced lifestyle.

Hearing about the T9 software, which I usually talk to him about and being the techie that he is, Cris immediately purchased it when I told him how to. Now life has been a little less stressful for him.

According to him, “This software really speeds up finding files in your phone. I remember one time when I was in a meeting and a client asked me about something that I would usually have to take time to research pa online. What I did was, remembering that I had bookmarked what my client was asking about, I just typed what I was looking for, not on my phones net browser, but on my phones idle screen and voila I immediately opened the page I was looking for and was able to answer my client after a minute or less”.

T9 Nav really has put an end in the sometimes too toxic effort of looking for files. Cris also adds that having T9 Nav is an ideal tool especially for those like him who can’t seem to remember in which folders they have saved certain files they have downloaded or transferred to their phones.

Upon asking him if the product is worth his money, “Definitely!” he said. “T9 Nav really is a must-have. An application that can simplify things and gives you more power in exploring you mobile phone.”, he adds.

Learn the T9 Nav Way

2009-06-29T01:25:00.002+08:00

Learn the T9 Nav way

When we purchase new products like gadgets, appliances and other stuff, they usually contain a manual that will allow its users to learn how to manage or handle these things. This is also true when it comes to software downloads and applications. There might not be manuals but there exists help pages or links once you’ve downloaded the specific software.

The problem with some of these help pages are they are not so helpful at times. They can be confusing and can cause irritation because of the long, long “manual” or the perplexing choice of words that only the more technologically advance humans can understand.

The good thing about T9 Nav is first, of course, the application comes with a tutorial page that one can find on its T9 Nav setting and options part. Not that it needs it, because the application is actually simple. Just key in what you need to find and presto! Just click it! But for those who might want to learn more on this wonderful software, you can simply go to its tutorial page or just key in 8-9 on your idle page and click on T9 Nav tutorial (T-U or T-9) and T9 Nav presents to you a simple yet very informative and visually-engaging “how-to”.

This application not only makes browsing through your phone very easy but it also makes learning how to use it trouble-free and effortless.

A Hell of a Day (so far)

2007-01-15T14:36:00.000+08:00

So far my day has been hell... It's just 2:15 pm and yet it feels like its almost midnight.

Wanting to just go home and rest... oh wait I forgot, I juts got home (6:00 am this morning) So I took a bath, dressed up, ate my breakfast said my bye-bye's to my neice and left for work. I was on my way out of the village wearing a freshly washed red chuck taylors and newly pressed jeans when this care recklessly rushes into this puddle causing my fresh attire to become trash.. Wow! what a way to start my day. Good thing i was just one trike away from my house. So i went back home and change. Knowing me, if I am in a hurry I have the tendency to sweat like hell. So when I finished changing my clothes and went out to battle with the schorching heat of the sun. Nothing I can do about it right?

Traveling sucks! You sit beside this mabahong tao. And that smell sticks to you. It bothers you beacuse you feel that even though that person leaves, his presence still lingers. Then you get to the Mrt! You think it'll be a good ride since theres aircon and all but then u get to the mrt part where the aircon is broken and everybody jam-packed like sardines! Fuck it! Whats worse it, you stand beside this arabo whose armpit is almost beside ur face!!! AHHHHHH!!!! hell!!!

At last I get to Quezon ave.. The heat of the sun is far better that bearing with all those mized sweat and smell in the MRT. I walk towards our office building only to realize... I fuckin forgot my ID!!! ahahaha! so i had to scavenge my wallet to look for another id so i can get a visitors pass. The bad trip part of this is... there are different visitors passes for different parts of our office compound! ang gulo diba.

Now my work starts, I go to my editing bay as scheduled only to find out that nobodys there. My segment producers there (which is ok) and my editor (which is bad!)... I had to wait for like an hour or so! Such a hassle!

So far that has been my day... whats comin up next kaya?! if it wont start to get better I might drown myself in alcohol again! ahahaha

When love changes...

2006-12-18T13:44:00.000+08:00

(for a friend)

When should u learn to let go?
Pag nasaktan ka na? When u feel like everything has changed between the two of you?

Would still stay in a relationship that only makes u suffer just because you are in-love?

What if you find out that ur "better half" doesnt love you anymore? Nanjan lang siya because kita niya na you cant let go... pano un? Anong gagawin mo? Pipilitin mo ba siyang manatili sa relasyon niyo? Eh pano ka? Lolokohin mo pa rin ba ang sarili mo at sasabihin... HINDI... MHAL PA NIYA KO! Malay mo ikaw lang pla ang naghahadlang sa inyong dalawa para makita yung talagang dapat sa inyo...

When you the tears stop fallin when ur heart has been broken? bukas ba? in a month? or in a year? tatagan lang ng loob yan!

Till when will you hold on to that feeling (whatever that feeling is)? Kahit na nagbago na ang lahat!

Praning ka lang ba? Nagbago nga ba siya or feeling mo lang? How will you know if you dont face that problem? How will you know kung ayaw niya namang magsalita?!

Lhat ng bagay ngbabago! Pero ang pag-ibig ba ng isang tao dpat ding magbago?

Coffee & Cigarettes

2006-12-07T15:56:00.000+08:00

My friend introduced this song to me from ONE TREE HILL. Since I wasnt much of a One Tree Hill fan, it was my 1st time to really hear this song :) Its damn nice...

Coffee & Cigarettes - MICHELLE FEATHERSTONE

I gave up coffee and cigarettes
I hate to say it hasn't helped me yet
I thought my problems would just disappear
And all my pain would be in yesterday
I poured my booze all down the kitchen drain
And watch my bad habits get flushed away
I thought that would keep my head on straight
And all my pain would be in yesterday
But it's true I'm still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit you

I thought that if I didn't go and play
The sadness would get bored and go away
I thought that if I didn't go astray
That all my pain would be in yesterday
But it's true I'm still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit you

I sold my guitar and my piano
I thought that it was these that kept me low
I thought if only I could try and change
That all my pain would be in yesterday
But it's true I'm still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit you
I must quit, I must quit you

Angat ang ligaya ng Pasko?

2006-12-06T15:22:00.000+08:00

A few years back parang feel na feel ko pag malapit na ang pasko. Nanjan ung excited kang mamili for your family and friends. You smile at the thought of al those Christmans parties u are invited to. You hear christmas carollers as early as October or November. Ang saya diba?

Pero ngayon ganun parin ba? In our village I havent heard even one christmas carol on the streets. I havent even gone shopping even if my siblings have slowly placed gifts under our tree already. I guess Im just not in a jolly mood.
Right now, christmas for me is such a sell-out. Sobrang commercialized that on TV ang daming pilit na shows to have a xmas special or trailers of tv shows or movies na pinipilit idugtong ang pasko. I myself am guilty for producing such nauseating plugs. But hey, its not like I want to do it. Its just that I HAVE to do it.

Pero putting that thought aside, di ko na nafi-feel ang pasko unlike before. Maybe its just me, but maybe its the world din. Its this place we live in that makes christmas a not so exciting holiday. Maybe its economics? maybe its the government? maybe its just personal issues? No matter what the reason is Christmas isnt as fun as before.

Pero I know its not too late to turn this feeling around. Hey, there are still a couple of weeks before xmas. Maybe by that time magiging angat na talaga ang ligaya ng pasko and it wont just be and over-sensationalized, too commercilized, materialistic Christmas.. Sna db?! :)

MAD MAN

2006-11-27T15:39:00.000+08:00

I just need to share this...

Last week there were certain changes I had to do with the plugs/trailers I was producing. These changes were said to have had occured about 2 months ago. Unfortunately I was misinformed with these changes. So I made these changes only last week at the expense of being called and scolded by my superiors. Take note, superiorS not superior. I know that what I did was a mistake. but that mistake was i know not my doing (notice that I havent been mentioning the actual occurence hehehe). What I was doing for the past few months was correct and some of my officemates can even attest to that. What sucks is, knowing u didnt do anything wrong and yet you cannot do anything but make it seem that it was ur mistake as you are being scolded. Whats worse is people around me who contributed to that mistake were saying : "hindi mo ba alam yun". For me gusto kong sumigaw ng BULLSHIT ka! Gago pla to eh kasalanan mo to!! syempre you cannot do that coz senior sila sayo.. oh well..

basta that was the story.. and then kanina, I finished editing my output for the day... so I walked the halls and went up the stairs when I saw one of my superiors. I smiled and all i got was a half-smile and an eyebrow raised! FUCK DB! I knew that it was about the 'mistake' i did.. whcih FYI she was part of... so i left smiling.. then turning around and quietly cursing her! Well cheap noh? pero un lang tlga magagwa ko... :(

Kailangan

2006-11-24T15:28:00.000+08:00

lumang post na to from na inuulit ko! I got this from a collection of Pinoy essays, short stories etc. Nkakaaliw siya pero if you read between the lines it means something deep.. So go ahead! interpret it! :)

Kailangang bumangon. Kailangang labanan ang pagod ng katawan at ilayop ang sarili sa higaan. Kailangang kaladkarin ang paa sa malamig na sahig. Kailangang uminom ng tubig. Kailangang pumunta sa banyo at umihi. Tumae. Kailangang maligo. Kailangang buhusan ng tubig ang antok, sama ng loob at gutom. Kailangang kuskusin ang sarili ng labakara at sabon. Kailangang punasan ang katawan. Kailangang gamitin ang tuwalyang ilang lingo nang hindi nalalabhan. Kailangang magbihis upang magarang tignan. Kailangang magbihis ng magara upang tignan. Kailangang magsuklay, magpabango. Kailangang kumain. Kailangang kumain upang hindi manghina habang naghahanap ng pambili ng makakain. Kailangang uminom ulit. Kailangang kumain at uminom para bukas ay may maitae at may maiihing muli. Kailangang isipin kung anong kakainin bukas. Kailangang tanungin ang sarili kung nakabayad na sa koryente o nakaipon na ng pangmatrikula ng anak. Kailangang bilisan. Kailangang bilisan ang pag-iisip at pagkain ng ulam na matabang. Kailangan, kailangan, kailangan. Sa paghiga ng araw, kailangan naming matulog. Matulog dahil meron pang bukas, kung kalian kailangan na naming bumangon. O kaya matulo na lang nang mahimbinh na mahimbing, habang nakalibing

Monotony

2006-11-21T14:26:00.000+08:00

"Its the same shit, every day"

Ever felt like your life is becoming a routine? That nothing exciting ever happens to you? You wake up, take a bath, eat your breakfast, go to work or school, have lunch then work/study again then go home and have dinner and sleep.

Every single day, I deal with the same shit. I face people/ celebrities that Ihave to preview and do my work as a promo specialist. Its only been five months and yet I am kinda sick of it.

You deal with what you have to deal with over and over and over again until it wanna make you vomit and shout... " WALA NA BANG IBA?!" Although there is the occassional new plugs I have to produce but still it cannot overpower the things that I must regularly do. So right now I have to face the fact that my life has become a trash can of monotony.

Good thing I have friends who keep me sane when they text me: TOWN TAU! or Wanna go out tonight? Or hey im in glorietta, wanna meet up? These are the things that I am thankful for: Friendships that keep me in balance, family who could listen to my professional grievances and my ever-so-tatag self!

For the longest time I have been wanting to escape this life of mine. I thought of resigning, studying again etc. But I came to thinking that no matter where or what I do, this monotonous life can never be escaped. So I thought: Yes life can be such a pain in th ass, Yes life can be boring but somewhere in this journey there are peopl and things that balances life out and because of that I am contented :)

A Grown Ups Fairy Tale

2006-11-20T15:11:00.000+08:00

Wow! Its been such a long time since I last wrote here. I dont really know where my mind has flown the past few months. Maybe Im just not in the mood to write anymore or maybe Im just making up excuses to not write what I feel...

The past few months has been a rollercoaster ride for me. The Ups were great: Graduating, going to Bora with friends, having tons of drinking sessions with troops and loving somebody... But then again the Downs were...emotionally inexplainable: looking for a job, losing a friend, breaking up and being torn, working like crazy.

There has been a lot of things going on in my life that I tend to neglect the beautiful things around me. All I seem to be doing with my life right now is worry. I have been calculating every step Im doing in life. I have been weighing chances of having a better life until one day I decided to just chill.

I was at Glorietta a few days ago. I was with my neice. She wanted to play so I brought her to the playground. We were there for two hours, and while my neice was playing to her hearts content I suddenly was taken aback with the thoughts that came rushing in my head: Wouldnt it be nice to be young again?

I see all of these kids, running around, talking each other (they dont necessarily know each other), sweating without caring. They were plainly having fun and without a care in the world they feel that this is the best thing they could possibly do with their life.

I thought of a few years back when I was the type who would not care about how i looked, if i was sweaty already or not, the type who wouldnt care about what other people might say. I miss those days of not worrying about how much I am going to earn this payday, If what i earn compensates my lifestyle, If i can attend this gimmick...etc.

Wouldnt it be nice to a child again. the type who wouldnt care about politics and governance. The type who would cry at a simple pain and after a few minutes, would laugh when given a lollipop. A childs simple life makes everything simple. Their innocence gives them that happiness and that what i dream about: to not forget to be childlike; to have that innocence that would make me happy and contented with my life... but with all the troubles in this ever-so-cruel world being a child seems like a fairy tale

A Bums Life

2006-04-10T15:08:00.000+08:00

Ilang linggo palang ang nkakalipas mula nang ako'y mag-graduate. Maraming natuwa noong akoy nagtapos. MAraming nagsabi nang.. Hay salamat gumraduate ka rin. Kahit ako nasabi ko ang mga katagang un sa aking sarili. Akala ko nga wala nang makakapagpigil ng tuwang nadarama ko nung mga panahon na yun. Ilang araw ang nkalipas, masaya parin.. dumaan ang Gradball, ang post grad party and mga kaarawan ng ilang kaibigan.. ang pagtambay sa ibat ibang lugar, TULOY ANG LIGAYA! hep hep hep! hindi pla..Namulat ako bigla sa katotohanan na kinakailangan ko nang magtrabaho. Ngunit ano nga ba ang gusto kong pasukin? Alam ko kung ano, ngunit napakahirap tlgang maghanap ng ganung klaseng trabaho. Hindi biro maghanap ng trabaho sa bansang tulad ng sa atin. Naaalala ko pa, nung nakaraang taon, niloloko ko pa ang ilang kaibigan ko na "bum" na maghanap na ng trabaho. Ang hirit ko nga PWEDENG MAGKATRABAHO OH! Tapos ngayon ako na ang hinihiritan nila.. Gaya nung ilang araw na ang nakalipas.. ang status ko sa ym ay JOB HUNTING SUCKS.. Nataong nakita ng kaibigang minsan ay nahiritan ko (ngayon may trabaho na siya) Ayun ako tuloy ang naasar. hehehe
Ang hirap talagang mabuhay sa bansang ito na mababa na nga ang sweldo, kay hirap pang maghanap ng trabahong tutugma talaga sa nais mo. Maraming nagsasabing mag call center ako.. Ayos lang naman ngunit di ako nag-aral ng apat na taon ng kurso ko para lang maging isang malupit na call center agent. Id like to think that I am so much better than that. Sa ngayon magsusumikap muna akong pasukin ang field na gusto ko ngunit kung walang choice.. eh di mag-call center. Sa panahon nga ngayon sabi ng nanay ko.. di ka na dapat mamili. Kailangan nang maging practical ngunit mei mga pagkakataong darating na ang gusto mong marating ay kusang dadating, so why not give evrything a try, give destiny a chance dba.. malay mo matapos din ang pagka-bum ko.. malay mo.. sana

How

2006-03-14T15:22:00.000+08:00

The day you came was the day i died
at the same time I lived in a moment of confusion
I could not stand the unworthyness of what i have
I could not grasp the presence of the present we are in
How could it be so wrong when it seems so right
How could a love so strong be something that hurts
...

KAHIMLAYAN

2005-09-08T10:10:00.000+08:00

Sa Kandungan ng liwanag

Doo'y nakaratay ang kaluluwa

ng nawawalang isipan

ng pag-ibig na nasawi

Hindi maipaliwanag ang pagkahimlay

ng pusong nagdurugo

nang dahil sa pagkakataong

kailan ma'y di naman naging akin

Kalokohan lahat ng pakiramdam

Bakit pa kailangang madaanan?

Ang paghihirap ng kalungkutan

at ng kalupitan ng panahon.

Minsan ba'y di mo naisip

ang kasakiman ng tadhana.

Pilit nitong hinihila

ang kaluluwa ng puso mo pababa.

Tama na ang kaguluhang ito

Ibangon mo sa pagkaratay

ang pusong pwedeng mabuhay.

Lumikha ka ng bagong pagkakataon

at sundin ang sarili mong tadhana.

-CARLO SUZARA

Insomnia2

2005-09-07T00:58:00.000+08:00

here i go again... Writing about some shitty nonsense stuff... what can i say for tonight??

Ive been dwelling on a couple of things tonight.... 1st off... my thesis.. Wow pare ang hirap.. Stress kung stress tlga. But its a good thing ive finished the revisions i/we gotta make. Now i have to think about how were gona defend this i-dont-know-what topic. i dont even know if our topic makes sense to other people. I dunno... I guess its because me and my groupmates are the types who really think differently. Who goes out of the box to prove a simple thing is in existence. To show people how being different can truly be a good thing. I give my salutes to my thesis mates.. Aus sila magisip... Kakaiba.. kawave ko!

wait lng... nagiisip ako... inaantok na ba ko?!

........

di parin...Im starting to wonder if I really am ready to graduate?! what life would be in store for me once i get that diploma and once i start applying for work?! What work would i apply for?! Will i still get to see my friends?! Will my social life still be as active as it is now?! EXCITING!!! thats life.. puno ng misteryo tlga... nakaktuwa.. pero nakakatakot din..haaayyyy...

.......

Pero kung minsan sa sobrang misteryoso ng buhay nakakainis na.. Gaya minsan... di mo inaasahan mei kagulong darating... Tahimik ang buhay mo... masaya ka ngunit bigla na lng may manlilito sa isip at puso mo. Gets mo ba?! hay kay hirap... Ang hirap mahalin ng buhay... lalo na kung ang buhay mo ay di pa dapat mahalin. gets mo?! (sa mga nagiisip...un na un)

ang sakit sa ulo..itulog ko na lng kaya ito...

ndi rin...

pero wala na akong masabi kaya hanggang sa muli... kaibigan.. mag-usap tau.. :))hehe

Insomnia

2005-09-04T23:46:00.000+08:00

Astig.. kay ganda ng mga kulay... Nagdidilim na ang panahon at paningin ngunit may kakaunting sinag na nakikita. Kulay dilaw?! ilaw?! ayan tuloy minulat muli ang mga mata at tuluyan na namang di makapikit.
Ano nga bang pwedeng gawin?! makinig sa cd ko?! Blowers daughter?! Aus un?! cge lng... Chill ito.. ngunit di parin ako makatulog. Tpos type pa ako ng type dtio sa maingay kong keyboard eh mei taong iba dito sa kwarto ko.. nkakahiya. Nkakatulog kaya siya sa mumunting ingay na dulot ko. Sana hindi rin.. ahahaha para may kasalo.
Sarap nga ng may kasalo noh... Ito ako ngayon.. mei katext... ang sarap umibig. Pero masaklap umibig sa bawal... masakit. Isa ba yan sa mga rason kung bakit di ako makatulog?! Siguro nga. Siya kasi eh.. ayaw pa ko patulugin.. hehe.
Ikaw kaibigan kamusta naman ang tulog mo?! Tulog ka ba buong buhay mo na walang ginawa kundi maglaway at magpaksawa sa kama. Buti na lng ako hindi. Pero sa kabilang dako, wala namang tigil ang utak ko sa kaiisip ng bgay bgay na ngpapagulo lamang sa kaguluhan ng buhay ko.. Lecheng insomia to. Mag-gatas ka.. WALA. Magbilang ng tupa... WALA. MagVs.. hmmmm wala na rin.. dependency na ba ito. Naging dependent na ba ko sa mga kuliglig, sa tahimik na ihip ng hangin, sa mapangakit na liwanag ng buwan..
Tignan mo.. subukan mo lumabas at magmasid lang... ang sarap. Parang tulog ka kahit gising. Yan ang mga bagay na di mo nararanasan kpag sumikat na ang araw at nagsimula nang umandar and oras ng tao. Kagulo na naman.
Anong oras na ba?! di ko na alam.. Basta kay raming naiisip... kay raming dapat isipin... Kagulo man ang nasulat ko dito alam ko sa akin may kahulugan ito kaya kayo... WAg nA KauNg MakiaLam!!! kidding ;) peace tau mga chong.
Masarap lng ang paminsan minsang nagmamasid ka sa kadiliman at katahimikan ng paligid.. Magising ka sa iyong panaginip... batiin ang kapayapaan ng gabi... subukan mo kaibigan. Kay sarap! :)

Wla lng.. kagulo na nmn

2005-08-01T12:41:00.000+08:00

Sa isang iglap naglaho na ang lahat. Lahat di mo na matanto kung nasan at di mo maintindihan kung bakit. Bakit sa lhat ng tao sa mundo sayo pa mangyayari ang ganito. Ganito na lng ba parati ang trato ng tadhana sayo. Sayo na nga lang ibinahagi mawawala pa ng di mo napapansin. Napapansin mo pa ba ang galaw ng tao na pilit umiiwas sa mapangmatang lipunan. Lipunan na siyang nagbabago sa atin nang di man lng natin nalalaman. Nalalaman mo pa ba kung ano ang totoo, kung ano ang wasto at mali. Mali kung iisipin nating na wala tayong magagawa sapagkat may kapangyarihan ang lahat ng nilalang sa mundo na piliin ang tatahaking daan. Daan ito upang maging matagumpay ang lahat na mangyayari sa buhay. Buhay natin na nawawala sa isang iglap.

Kagulo noh?!

Mei sense sakin.. sau ba meron?!

Kagulo...

2005-07-15T13:10:00.000+08:00

bakit sa tuwing wla kang magawa at wala kang makasama kay rami mong naiisip?! Di ka mapirmi. Di mapigilan ang utak mo sa kakalipad sa ibat ibang tao, pangyayari at mga isyu...
ngayon eto ako sa isa sa mga napaka-boring kong araw. Walang makasama sapagkat lhat ay may klase... walang magawa sapagkat wala namang kailangang gawin.. at pinakamasakit sa lahat ay walang matambayan kaya ito nakatunganga sa harap ng computer sa library. Pathetic noh? kawawang carlo
Ngunit sa kabilang dako, ito yung mga pagkakataon na akoy nakakapagsarili at napapaisip sa mga bagay na dapat lang pagisipan.
Kamusta na kaya ang mga kaibigan kong di ko na nakikita. its been so many months nung huli ko silang nkasama at nakausap.Kasalanan ko ba na wala akong gaanong panahon sa kanila?! kasalanan ko ba na kapag silay nagyaya ay hindi talaga ako pinagbibigyan ng pagkakataon?! Palaisipan na lng ito siguro.
Kakayanin ko kayang magtapos sa darating na Marso?! At the rate i am going parang wala ata akong pag-asa. Tinatamaan na naman ako ng katamaran sa pagaaral. Alam ko naman na kailangan talagang magsipag at magpursige ngunit bakit parang di ko magawa.. Only time will tell kung ano talaga ang balak ko gawin sa buhay ko.
Ano nga ba ang ihahain sa harapan ko para sa kinabukasan? Ang dami kong gustong gawin at marating na di ko na alam tuloy kung ano dun ang dapat kong i-prioritize..haaaayyyy..kay raming pagpipilian... magagawa ko kaya miski man lang isa sa mga nais ko?!
Bkit nga ba ako nandito?! bakit parang di ako makuntento... There is something in me that seems to want more out of life.. out of my life.. Is there anything wrong with that?! Should I be contented with what I have or should I strive and seek for more?!
Am i talking shit again?! I guess I am... hmmm... I know Im not.. :) confusing noh.. well ganyan tlga ako.. lalo na kung walang magawa. At ganyan tlga ang buhay. Punong-puno ng palaisipan.. puno ng misteryo..
Confusion sets in...

Just a comedic thought

2005-06-24T21:10:00.001+08:00

Have you ever noticed how female comediennes are treated on film or on TV? Have you ever noticed how cheap their roles are or how sexy they appear?
There are two types of female comediennes: theres the "nonphysically gifted" type and the "physically gifted type".
The 1st type are the likes of Whitney Tyson, Dang Cruz, Beverly Salviejo, Joy Viado, Malou de Guzman etc. If you dont know them... well they are the ones who usually takes the role of the maid or the yaya. They are the ones who are constantly insulted or slapped on the head or whatever.Have they ever been given credit on TV. I guess outside of the production curtain, they are. But we see them having cheap insulting roles on TV. I am not saying that being a housekeeper or a maid is not a respectable job. But what I am trying to convey is that they should not be treated harshly on TV. It somehow reflect on how society views this particular working class. And it shows how cruel man can be to people who or not physically gifted. It is not right that we laugh about how fat a person is, or how dark Whitney Tyson is or how (sorry for the term) ugly Beverly is.
It is rare that we see these non physically gifted comediennes as the Dona or as the lead actress. I believe it was such luck that AiAi Delas Alas came to arise as the comedy queen (a title she truly deserves). These women are still people and should be treated with much care and respect.
Then now arises the physically gifted female comediennes. The likes of Dianna Zubiri, Maureen Larazabal, Iza Ignacio, rica Peralejo etc. I guess this started with Carmi Martin. Yes they are dreamt about by a lot of men. But if you look at it differently, they are, in a way, exploited on TV. They wear very skimpy clothes. They actually do not have great punchlines but they are constantly watched because of their physical attributes. How come they could not wear less sexy clothes and still be laughable? How come they are not given great punch lines?
I have yet to see the day when the comedy world will have a lot of Aiai Delas Alas. I have yet to see the day when we could laugh with Maureen Larazabal without noticing how nice her breasts are?
Everything we see on sitcoms is somehow a reflection of how society views the female form.Just a thought guys. Think about it.

Caught up in Fairy Tales

2005-06-09T23:09:00.000+08:00

As a kid I was so into reading books and watching cartoons. Most of the things I read or books being read to me are fairy tales. I would gaze in awe as I watch those amazing cartoons that depict a different world but is in contrast to our world as well.
I remember that there even were times when my mom or my grandfather would go crazy when it was time for my bedtime story. I would have a couple of books lined up for me. And even though those stories and characters were from way, way back they stayed with me through all these years.
Over the years, I have managed to broaden my literacy. I read almost everything from encyclopedias to graphic novels. Those serious novels and bodice rippers would simply kick a nerve in me and would get me really excited. Those classics and even those Archie comics would really get my heart jumping and pumping. But among those materials I can honestly say that fairy tales have always been my favorite.
I'm really not sure how it started. I suppose it was in the midst of that prince charming rescuing sleeping beauty or maybe when those seven dwarfs were digging their way into finding snow white and changing their lives. But I guess what attracted me the most to these tales are the never ending stories that end happily despite everything that had happened.
This is where me comes in. I know that my life isnt a fairy tale story. Believe me if it were then it would be one of the highest rating soap operas of all time.
I guess growing up fancying fairy tales would mean that you could get so caught up in an imaginary world. A world knowing that happiness will be there at the end greeting you.
I remember watching TV shows during recent years that depict a modern fairy tale story. Ally McBeal for example. Or even Felicity or Dawsons Creek. All those cheesy teenybopper shows. Every character has his or her own struggles. There are character characteristics that have a mix or idealism and realism. There are those who know how to get to their goal but get kind of mixed up on how to get there. It gets crazy in their lives but ultimately in the end they live happily ever after.
Each of these modern fairy tale characters believes on the power of the good. Each one believes in light, in justice, in willpower, etc. I bet each one of them believes in fairy tales too.
Seeing how twisted and kooky some of these characters can be made me rethink my own beliefs and philosophies in life.
It is a tough world out there. There are the undying government problems involving red tape or corruption. There is the fear of getting robbed or killed while walking silently on the streets. News about how crazy the weather can be. People dying of malnutrition. The lack of employment. The underdeveloped nation. The list goes on and on.
The thing is, we have come to accept these things as part of our lives. We go about each day seeing the harsh realities of life. We have grown tired or trying to make a difference, of fighting for what is right and trying to make ourselves better. We have reached the point when all we do is accept passively all these atrocities. And now we come to the point where we could not care less anymore. We have forgotten what weve learned in fairy tales. We have forgotten to dream.
I have faith; Faith in believing, believing in something that may seem not possible. I have faith that there is still some good in this damn crazy world. I have faith that one day people will realize this and buck the whole corrupted system.
But sometimes, I feel as if having faith in these things is like walking on a beautiful sunny day while everyone else trying to get out of the rain they are in.
Some may say that they find my optimism odd but that doesnt bother me (I, myself finds it kooky) Sometimes I dont even understand what it is that leaves me in this state. I cannot understand why I hear the most beautiful of music amidst all these noise around us. I dont understand why I still feel that wonderful warmth of sunshine amidst the hard rain or the scorching heat. Am I going crazy? (I hope not :)
My mom says Im hallucinating. My siblings say Im too dreamy. Well sometimes I think maybe I am. Then I remembered my grandfather telling me: IF YOU ARE TO DREAM, DREAM BIG... NEVER BE AFRAID BECAUSE IT DOESNT COST A THING.
People tell me that my belief in fairy tales is just a phase that I will outgrow in the end. But why does it have to end right? In this cruel world, I feel like I need something to hold on to, some ideal to look up to. I need to believe that one day good will rule this world.
We need to believe that happily-ever-after doesnt just exist in fairy tales. The moment I lose that faith will be the day when life wont be worth living.

Dont let this world win.

Give yourself/ Us a break!

2005-06-02T23:40:00.000+08:00

Life can be cruel at times. One moment youre on the top of the world, enjoying every bit happiness it has to offer and in a split second you are at your lowest of low. How come? Was it your fault or was it just because of an unavoidable circumstance? Or maybe it was just destined to happen. And once your there below, would you suck in all the hurt youre feeling? Would you cry yourself to sleep? Would you be the pathetic person than you are so that people can sympathize with you? Or would you just move on, pick up the pieces youve lost and continue living the life that would be of meaning only if you would not drown yourself with the past?
A lot of these situations come along our way. Each and everyone of us comes across a moment in our life when we wonder where did we go wrong. Admit it or not, most of the time, this happens when we are in love. And when weve lost that love, do we break our fall or do we let ourselves hit the ground hard. Do we move on or we do think about what had happened?
Wouldnt it be better if we could break free from the past, from what had happened, and go on with our lives and making the most out of what we have now instead of contemplating and indulging with pasts mistakes? As crazy as it may sound to some people but it is possible. There is life after a broken relationship. Really.
Its sad to see a person with so much to give and so much brain cells in their head, wasting their life with tears in their eyes or hurting themselves even more. Whats even worse to see is when people pretend to be stronger than what people think of them and pretending that everything is ok when in truth its not. Yes, some may say that I am contradicting myself. But one can still hurt without ever being so clingy to his or her past. I am not saying that we should not be affected by our emotions. All I am saying is that we have the will power to move on with our lives so why not use that power, right?
Sometimes it is healthy to look behind us and see our past and remember the things that has taught us so well. It is nice to remember and laugh about things or even cry about it at times. But to actually be destroyed and be pretentious just because what had happened to us hurt us so bad, isnt such a good thing. Not only does it cause sleepless nights and pimples and maybe even a threat to become an "every-night-I-open-up-to-my-friend-about-it" person, but it deteriorates your soul as well. What if because of too much contemplation you forget the other things that matter and destroy your future? What if unknowingly you have neglected yourself and the people that surround you because all you ever think of is the guy who left you? Whats even worse is what if youve become the person you were not before because revenge got into you and you so wanted to be glorified by people by looking strong and conveying to people how cruel and bad the person who left you is? If youre on that plane, Im telling you, jump off it before its too late. Youll never know how people look or will look at you after youve done this. Stop pretending and step up the ladder and show them the true strength you have.
Stop sounding oh so preachy about how this particular past has taught you a lot even in reality... it hasnt taught you a thing. Or maybe the things you couldve learned hasnt quite sunk in that brain of yours. Am I sounding too cruel? Well life is cruel. Love is cruel and we cant do anything about it. All we gotta do is accept what we have, cease every moment it offers and make the most out of our lives. So if youre one of those people I have just described... Cmon, you know better than go messing a life that "messed u up", you know better than not showing whats really inside you?! You know better than to run to your friends and fish out infos you wanna catch or even worse... use them as bait to catch that fish (cool symbolism huh?!). You know better than to waste your life away on a past that cannot be changed. Sweep away those broken pieces, stand up and give yourself a break, give yourself a chance :)

The ride of your life

2005-05-28T16:59:00.000+08:00

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply... without problems or pride... I love you in this way because i dont know any other way of loving but thus, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that ur hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when i fall asleep it is your eyes that close - PABLO NERUDA

Imagine how great the power of love is. How mysterious it is and how it can make you do things you cannot comprehend.We dont know how to love a person and yet we love them. We dont know from where this feeling came and yet we continue loving. You give your all even if it seems like its not enough and yet thats the only way you know how to love. Together you feel... together you see. Imagine how magical it is.

I wish i were with someonewho could bring peace to my heart - SOMEONE WITH WHOM I COULD SPEND A LITTLE TIME WITH WITHOUT BEING AFRAID THAT I WOULD LOSE HER THE NEXT DAY... - PAULO COELHO

but love is not all about magic and spark. There are moments that you need reassurance. There are times when you think if your love is enough to keep a relationship going. There are situations when you need to decide if you should let go and say a cheezy line ... "i love you but goodbye". And there are times when you know what you have at the moment is not for a lifetime because of the cruelty of life (keng...) I know the feeling... I guess we all do.

Despite the horrible pain love inflicts on us.. still we cant help but continue loving. What does love have that makes it seem so intoxicating and so pleasureable?! Indeed love is a mystery. We take a dose of it and get addicted. I guess thats what makes love a "wantable" feeling... the balance between the pleasure and the pain. So why stop loving.. take a ride on it. It may make you go crazy but it truly is a wonderful rollercoaster adventure.

Sad isnt it?!

2005-05-22T23:47:00.000+08:00

There are a lot of things in this world that I just cant seem to understand. Small cruelties that may seem big depending on the perspective of one person.
Hospitals for example. How come there are so many papers you need to sign before you finally get into a room and have yourself operated or checked. What if its an emergency? What if you are about to die alone and your mom cant get in your room because no matter how hard she begs and cries the nurses wont let her in since she has papers to sign? Remember this film about a med student who just wanted to make the sick happy by giving them laughter but then he was continually bombarded with issues of either his "methods" were not accepted or that his giving of free medication without a license was not right? I saw that film just a while ago and it made me think. Why cant we just give without asking anything in return? Are we not made to care for each other? to look out for one another? to survive or try to survive by helping others to survive? Hospital situations wherein one has to have money to be medicated truly saddens me. Sometimes insurance isnt enough. Or your healthcard doesnt cover your operation...the stories of the ill-fated sick goes on and on. Cant we do something about it? Yes there are a lot who go out of their way to somehow break this injustice. But are they enough. I am certain that these kind of people are only a handful. Sad isnt it?!
How about getting mugged? Or walking on the street with a backpack on your shoulder without knowing that someones behind you stealing your wallet or your cellphone? Suddenly its too late when you realize youve been mugged. With the way you walk and the area you are in you are certain somebody saw that someone was stealing from you.. and yet nobody chose to speak or not even react or try to stop the robber from getting your wallet.. What if your whole life savings was there?! what if your last money to get to your sick grandmother was there?! And just because some bystanders were either apathetic or afraid, your grandmother dies alone in her deathbed. Sad isnt it?!
How about employment problems?! What if you are an undergraduate incapable of getting a job just because you are not a college graduate? You had no money to continue your studies so you choose to work. Because of poverty you try to look for even the simplest of work. Nobody hires you because you have no college degree or maybe worse, not even a highschool diploma?!Employers think of you as someone stupid so they reject you?! Now you have no other choice but to be a prostitute or a callboy just to have something to put on the dining table?! Just because some think your are "mentally incapacitated" because of your lack in education, you have no other choice but to destroy your life. Sad isnt it?!
The world can be truly judgmental and cruel most of the time. But does it always have to be this way? Can't we do something about it?! Change starts from one person i know but it doesnt grow big if only one person or a handful of good people are the only ones initiating this change. It is never too late to do good. It is never too late to give. The world can be a sad place to live in but it can also be a pleaseant place to live in if we make that change. Think about it.

Circumstance of Time

2005-05-17T16:39:00.001+08:00

Its been a while since i last made my entry here. Time has not been that good to me the past few months. The clock has been ticking against me and my will and it hasnt been good to others as well.
The months passed without without me being in a place where i truly want to be in. In some moments fate judges me as if I were on my last walk to my goal. I havent acheived much of my own goal since certain people and situations hinder me from having hold the things Ive longed for for so long.
Time has worked against my capability to love. It has been a baricade from pursuing the person who i want to spend time with (not again). Although attachments of the other party is, well, a very big factor ( and i mean huge ). Still that doesnt stop me from showing this love i have ... this feeling i have. Nothing stops me from doing this... except for time. My time.. or Her time.. It doesnt matter. What it boils down to is that every second has been spent on not so important shit. Well, if it is important its not what will make me, and hopefully us, happy.
It hasnt been all bad for me. I mean, it has been cruel but not all the time. I have had days when I hang out and chill or even get drunk with very good friends. These are moments I truly, truly cherish. But then again these moments are short lived. Its either I have a curfew, or they have a curfew or we just have to go our separate ways for some unavoidable circumstance.
Cant I just get a knife or a bolo and try cutting myself into pieces without bleeding? Or better yet clone myself... complete with my personality and my gestures.. and just spend time with each and every person, movement or organization that wants or needs me. This way everyone will be pleased. My friends will have more gimiks with me. My parents would not always get mad if Im not home again. Organizations I am part of will better utilize me and my "skills". And I would have more time for myself... to on a deserted island and spend a day or two alone. And if I dont need the clones anymore... I could just put them inside the closet and bring them out again if I need them.
Clearly what I am trying to imagine cannot be done. Well its only wishful thinking. There are just moments in ones life when you start to think of the apathy of time. How fast it goes, or sometimes how slowly it moves or sometimes how it isnt enough. Well thats just the way life goes. I guess it is just a matter of responsibility of your own time and giving considerations to the time of others. Life is a give and take situation. Give what time wants and time will eventually give you what you need.

Gulo!

2005-04-08T21:13:00.000+08:00

What the heck is your problem?! Wala akong ginagawa sayo kaya wala kang karapatang gaguhin ako behind my back. You know whats sad... u wer once my friend... Actually even up to now I still do treat you as a friend. Nakikitungo ako sayo ng maayos. I dont disregard your feelings, I give you the benefit of the doubt kahit some people see you as pretencious. God knows how patient i am sayo and how i'm trying so hard to be nice to you kahit na i know na u stab me from behind and hate me.
Dont give the crap na everythings is okay coz i know that its not... Sana lang you have the decency to tell it to my face rather than pretending that nothing is going on and making false stories. Im even nice enough to somehow believe what you say kahit na ung iba di na naniniwala sayo pero eto ka paring parang nagpapakaplastic sakin. Kung may problema ka sakin sabihin mo. Kung may gusto kang sabihin... sabihin mo. Magpakatotoo ka chong kasi if ur gonna hide whats inside you will soon deteriorate into a sad lonely man and uk regret not being true to urself and to the people around you. Sayang kaibigan pa nmn kita, sinira mo ang sarili mong pagkakaibigan, sinira mo ang sarili mo. Ikaw lang at wala nang iba ang gumagawa ng sarili mong problema. Nakakaawa ka.

On the Job

2005-04-01T07:43:00.000+08:00

Just a quick one...
This summer we wre required to do our on the job training. Being a commications student we are asked to do some work on production and other related jobs to media studies. At first I was a bit hesitant to do my practicum since i really dont know much about how the business really works. Yes i do have the basic knowledge about production and other stuffs but still its different when your hands on.
I got accepted at ideal minds corp which is a production company which produces shows like On Air and The Misadventures of Ariel and Maverick. Nice work right?! Unfortunately my parents didint like the idea of me going to somewhere in estrella makati and staying there to maybe the wee hours of the morning. Oh well bad luck.
Then i decided to try it out it a small prod company somewhere in alabang. I got into Idea Bulb which is basically the same production with Ideal Minds. The difference is Idea Bulb has fewer shows since they are a smaller company. They are also into advertising and events management, which is what i really like.
Two days ago i started doing my practicum at Idea Bulb. It was really nice for the director to give us our own camera and do shots on our own. Bahala na daw kami. We were given the freedom to make our own shot list, do our own angles and at the ame time mingle with the hosts, staff and executives. It was really really fun. We did a short segment for their show "Spotlight". And after the shoot we went to eastwood to go to a car show Spotlight was hosting. We did more shots there and were able to meet a lot of people.
Whats nice about this company is we really get to exercise what we know and we get to do stuff we dont normally do. We learn new things and are able to practice our PR skills.
Next week we'll be doing a cooking show for one of the hosts of spotlight. The director will be there but he told us that we'll basically handle the whole thing. Astig right. Too bad i'll be doing it for just 100 hours.
After my work at Idea Bulb, i'll be transferring to another company: Cream Entertainment. I decided to go into that company since i'd really love to do some events management. And since the company caters to this liking of mine, it would be a perfect place for me to work at.
Well thats all folks... I'll write again here soon... if time will permit me...

Bored

2005-03-24T22:24:00.000+08:00

Lifes a bore at times. Sometimes there is the want to free myself from all the monotony life is giving. I question the very beauty of life at times, whether if life will always be this way or if it will change when the right spark of fate comes along.
Wouldnt it be exciting, out of the spur of the moment, to just ask some friends out and to bungee jump over a cliff or to high dive even if one of you doesnt know how to swim. Wouldnt it be swell to travel anytime you want to, or to go places where youve never been even if that place is the most unlikely place to go to. Wouldnt it be nice to be a person different from your self even for just a few minutes. I would love to have that kind of life.
Sometimes there is the need to chnage your life. If your life seems like a jeepney going on the same route every single day, why not try another route for a change.
When boredom hits me... it hits me real hard. Today, for example, I went home around 9 am from a sleepover at a friends house. I eat breakfast, watch tv, eat lunch, then watch tv, then eat dinner then watch tv then write this shit. This is how my day goes when its vacation time. Except of course when my friends ask me out or when I go galera or to bora or to whatever beach destination there is. But still even though during these times that I am out of the house, still what is happening or what will happen is predictable. You go out to the mall, maybe watch a movie, eat out or have a cup of coffee (coffee jelly! hehe), have a smoke and go home... or hang out at a friends house, maybe put on some chill music or jam with some musical instruments or drink alcohol, or watch a dvd, then go home... or if your on an outing then it would be... go on a swim, or maybe jetski or go on a banana boat, or go to a spa, drink, drug yourself out, shop then go home... All these things seem plotted already. Its already too typical if i may say so.
If i would not be doing any exciting things for a change, Id probably want to immerse myself on the harsh realities of life. It would be really life-changing to just mingle with beggars or to document how people in jail are treated or how student workers work their way to have a good education... you now stuffs like that.
Am i making sense here 'cause I probably am not... haha! I'm just too bored with what life has to offer to me so far. Everything seems like the same old shit every single day. I guess all of this will change once i am in the workplace. But then again that change will soon bore me as well once i get used to it.
Contentment... I guess that what i need right now. To be content with how my life is going. Well, actually i am content with what i have. Its not that i hate my life... its just that sometimes there is something you are looking for that just isnt there as of the moment. You need something out of the ordinary. Well i guess boredom just sunk in me these past few days, thats why i'm wrecking myself into doing this blog. Oh well. thats life, although its full of mysteries and shit, still, you may agree with me on this or not, Life is one hell of a bore at times... :)
Did i make sense?

2005-03-17T12:15:00.000+08:00

Akala mo kilala mo na ang isang tao pero dahil sa mga pagkakataong di maiiwasan nakikita mo ang totoong kulay niya. Di mo akalain na may ititnatago pla siyang sikreto. Isang bagay na pilit niyang ikinukubli sa mga mata ng tao sa kanyang paligid. Sa umpisa, napakaganda ng pakikitungo niya sa iyo. Napakabuti ng tingin ng tao sa kanya. Walang chismis, walang anuman. Hanggang isang araw nagbago ang pagtingin mo sa mudo dahil sa isang pagkakamali na iyong napagtanto. Marami kang naisip. Maraming narinig. Nagbago ang buhay mo sa isang iglap. Nag-iba ang ihip ng hangin sa pagitan ninyong dalawa. Dahil sa kasamaan ng tadhana, nasira ang lahat. Di mo inaakalang may magbabago. Di mo akalaing mapapasama ang takbo ng iyong buhay. Sa halip na ayusin ang lahat, sa halip na magkasundo, ay siya pang lalong gumulo sa kasalukuyan. Pilit mong itinago ang sakit na nararamdam ngunit di kailan man ito maitatago sa paligid. Unti-unting lumabas ang mga luha ant sakit sa iyong mga mata. Unti-unting naglaho ang pagtitinginan na nooy napakatamis. Dahil lamang sa isang maliit na pagkakamali. Lumabas din ang katotohanan ng kanyang pananatili. Pakiramdam mo ikaw ay ginamit. Di pala siya pakiramdam lamang kundi isang katotohanan na pilit mong ikinakatwa. Di mo pinaniniwalaan ang bulong bulongan. Di pinapansin ang mga titig ng mga taong mapanghusga. Ikaw ay nagpatuloy sa paglalakbay ng buhay. Ngunit sa likod ng kaisipan ay siya parin ang sinisigaw, siya parin ang bumubulong sa pusong wariy di na tumitibok at di na ata titibok pa. Nagbago ang buong pagkatao mo nang di mo napapansin. Ang paligid mo ang siyang nakapansin at naapektuhan. At unti-unting napuna mo na wala nang katotohanan ang iyong kilos. Wala ka nang magawa kundi tanggapin ang kasalukuyan, umupo sa isang tabi at lumuha sa idinulot ng nakaraan

SIGAW

2005-03-09T09:36:00.000+08:00

Nangungusap ang matang
di naman makakita
Pilit itinatago
ang kadiliman ng liwanag
Di maisiwalat
ang kaloobang tila ata
ay di na sisigaw pa
Bulong ng ulap
na wariy nagbabadya
ng buhos ng kahapon
ay tila dumadampi na
sa aking pandinig
Di na makapagsalita
pagkat pilit pinipigil
ng galaw ng tao
Sa isang iglap
ang panaginip ng bukas
ay unti unting
nagiging bakas na lamang
sa aking tuyong palad
Karanasay di na matanto
Kinabukasay di marating
Pilit hinihila
ng kadena ng nakalipas
Ano na ang dahilan
Saan na tutungo
ang gabing di na makakakita
ng anumang liwanag
ng buwan
Ano pang madadatnan
ng araw na kailan may
di na lulubog pa
Sa sawing dapithapon
ay nagpapaalam
ang mga kamay
na dinungisan na
ng pagkakataon
Kailan pa
Darating pa ba
Pakikinggan mo ba
ang sigaw ng paligid.

COMMENT NMN KAU GUYS ABOUT MY WORKS! THANKS :)

Ihip

2005-03-03T14:27:00.000+08:00

Pagtulog ng mga talang
tila di pumipikit
Ang sandali ay tumatakbo
sa pagiisip na sawi
Puso ay nabubuwag
ng mga pagkakataong nasayang
Tila di na maibabangon
and kisap ng nakaraan
Guhit sa palad
na unti-unting hinahangin
tulad ng buhanging
dinadala ng tubig
Sumisigaw sa kawalan
Nalulunod sa sinapupunan
ng pagibig na wala nang
patutunguhan pa
Ihip ng umaga
ay walang kasing lamig
ngunit ang liyab ng damdamiy
bumabalot sa atin
Naghahalo ang kulay
sa nakalugmok na liwanag
Di maunawaan
kung paano pa hihinga
Ang tinig ng bukas
di pa marinig
ngunit umaasa parin
na ito ay magniningnig
Ngayoy nandito pa
tuyo at walang lakas
dahil sa hanging inihip
ng pagibig na binura.

Life taste sour but sweet

2005-02-27T17:48:00.000+08:00

In a world full of uncertainty and confusion, there are things that we don't understand thus we tend to not accept life's realities. There are certain things in this world that we want so much but couldn't have. Maybe fate does not totally permit us to have what we want or maybe our timing is just off.
We strive so hard to get good grades. We study day and night, religiously and yet in the end we see that are efforts are just not enough. We start to think, where have we gone wrong? Wasn’t studying enough? Or maybe I’m just too dumb to get good grades. Confusion sets in. We start to wonder whether life will be fair to us or not?! We question our actions and even God.
Life is never fair I guess. If ever it would always fair then I think the world will be such a boring place to live in. Possibly chaos will plague the world because people will always have their way.
Although we accept the fact that life will never be totally fair to us and that there are situations beyond explanation that we encounter, still we can’t help but wonder… why me?! Why for some odd reason these kinds of situations fall upon me. Why certain situations tend to hurt me? Why does it have to hurt when you love? Why is my professor so irritated with me even though I don’t see anything wrong with what I am doing? Why is that some friends tend to leave me hanging?! The list of whys goes on and on.
A friend of mine told me, “how come you always end up in complicated, love situations like this? I think you like it!”. Would anybody be addicted to situations that involves very complicated romantic situations? I wouldn’t. A lot of situations like this come along my way. I guess, for some odd reason, I seem to be luring complications to my life. But no matter anywhere you look at it, it still boils down to choices. I chose to enter these situations. I chose to stay in situations like this all in the name of love (so cliché) . Now I choose to leave this particular situation that I am in.
Loving someone is an easy thing to do. It only becomes difficult when you see it as a difficulty or if outside factors makes it difficult for you.
I’ve been a selfish person who made a persons life complicated. I loved, not realizing that the person that I am loving was caught in the middle. She was caught amongst friends who liked me and even worse caught between me and another guy she loves. Difficult right?! Now I choose to let go and be happy for somebody else. Life goes on right. It’s a matter or psyching yourself so you can live your life in a much meaningful and happier manner.
Life’s unfair I know! But that doesn’t stop us from living life and ultimately… loving. Life’s unfairness and complications spices up ones self and ones life. So go on.. spice me up and soon I’ll be ready to have a better taste of life and I’ll will taste better for life as well.

2005-02-21T10:15:00.000+08:00

Life is so much better when you have friends arounds. A heavy burden becomes much lighter when you have friends to talk to. An exciting even becomes even more fun when you have friends to share it with. Your deepest darkest secrets are sure to be hidden from others when you have friends you can truly trust. Ako, i have a lot of friends. Sobrang dami kong social circles na sometimes i dont know na kung sino pa ang uunahin. I have my PRM family, mei dasma friends, my highschool barkada, mei college barkada, mei block barkada, my village tropa, mei "partymates"... basta madami! the world for me becomes a much better place when I have all these friends around.
I guess the reason i have so much friends is because i choose to have a lot of friends. Its a matter of choice. Everything is a choice. Its up to you if you wanna hold on to your friends and its up to you if you wanna let go. Its my choice to have this much friends. And it is my choice to keep on gaining friends.
Another reason for the amount of friends i have is maybe because I am me and I dont pretend to be somebody im not. Nagpapakatotoo ako! Kung di ako tanggapin ng tao then I gues my time is not worth wasting to these people who doesnt accept me as me. Hindi katulad ng iba na ayaw pa ipakita ang totoo nilang kulay! naiiinis ako sa gnun! tpos magiinarte pa! Haaaay! naglalabasa na naman ako ng init ng ulo! enough of it na nga!
Now im starting to receive more blessing than i should have (iguess), kasi i have a lot of friends kasi! and im finding new friends... my blockmates. Parang iba ngayon! sobrang mas comfy sa lhat! mas at ease! slamat sa mga bagong kaibigan na aking nkilala! keng(well matagal na kitang friend), ong, ton, xiao, koko, ezez, von, pam, at sa isang barkada sa block na tinaggap ako.. ang tropa nina jason. Astig kayo mga chong
well, hanggang dito na lang! wala lang ako mgawa kaya ako magblock! so sori kung walang sense! ahahah! sige! gtg!

Conforming Porma

2005-02-08T09:29:00.000+08:00

Hindi ba't napakahirap magbihis kung minsan?! Minsan mei mga certain clothes na di talaga tugma sa katawan mo. Minsan masikip, minsan maluwag. Minsan namn pag sakto naman sa ayos parang di nmn ata babagay sayo na ang dating nakakailang tuloy suotin. Kung minsan nais na lng natin magpapayat ng sobra para lamang magkasya ang bagong bili mong damit na sobrang astig sa porma. At once masuot mo na 'to... heto na at rarampa ka na para pagtinginan ng tao at ipakitang maporma ka.
Ngunit ang pananamit ba ay makapagsusukat ng isang tao?! Ito a ay isa sa basehan mo kung sinong kakaibiganin. I know a lot of people who are like that. Who pretend to be so porma when deep down isa siyang simpleng baduy na tao. Wala namang masama sa pagiging baduy as long as ipinapakita mo ang tunay mong kulay.
Parang masakara rin and pananamit kung iyong iisipin. Minsan ang tao nakikisunod lang sa uso kahit di nmn niya feel o di niya personalidad ang pormang pinoporma niya. Nagpapanggap na ayos lang siya kahit na di nmn siya at ease sa knyang get-up. haaayy... bakit nga ba ganun?! bihis tayo ng bihis. di ba pwedeng maghubad na lang?! Naisip ko tuloy bigla ang panahon ni adan at ni eba. Ang panahong walang kailangang pormahan at walang oakialam kung hubad ang isa't isa. Bkit kasi kailangan pang kumagat sa ipinagbabawal na mansanas, yan tuloy... lahat ay nagbago.
Ako aminado ako na kung minsan sobraako kung pumorma pero ngayon natuto na ako. Kung ayaw mo ng bihis ko then fine, wala akong pakialam. Ang dating kasi para ssakin ay ayaw rin ng tao ang personalidad ko. Ang porma ko, ang pagdadala ko sa porma ko at the way i bring myself is part of who i am so if you the like it then fine by me ryt?!
I dress for comfort and according to my personality and thats who i am. Complex tayong lahat. Pabago-bago ng porma pabago-bago ng isip, pabago-bago ng personalidad and its part of every person to be a complex human being.
Gaya ng sabi ko kanina, iba iba tayong lahat. Mei mga taong pilit na ipinapasok ang katawan sa dait na di nman para sa kanila, mei mga taong pilit na sumusunod sa uso at ibinabago ang personalidad para kumuporma sa society.
iba iba tayo, I guess its just a matter of acceptancd. Acceptance for who other people are and ultimately acceptance of oneself and not trying to conform to the norms dctated by the trends of society. Be urself diba?! Magpakatotoo ka!

Hoping for the Best

2005-02-04T16:24:00.000+08:00

Naranasan nio na ba yung tipong sobrang may pinaghirapan kayo tpos all of a sudden it becomes a failure not because of anybodys fault but because parang fate doesnt permit what you did to be succesful. Nkakasama ng loob right?! but oh well what can you do but magmukmok sa isang tabi at huminga ng malalaim kasi wla ka na mgagagwa at nanjan na. but then instead of much contemplating at pagmumumok bkit di na lng kaya gumawa ng ibang paraan. Ang tanong... May paraan pa nga ba?! hopefully yes.
For almost two weeks me and my classmates have been preparing for this yearly event that we organize in school. Its a major thing for us communications students since we are able to exercise our skill in production and stuff. All is set... the performers, the set, the music, the obb, the lights, the projectors, the host then suddenly the worst thing thta could happen in any production happens. the school electricity fails to give our show the glory it deserves. depressing ryt?! we tried waiting for it to be fixed but unfortunately wala parin. almost two hours of waiting was wasted! Now were trying to do the an alternative, hopefully it'll work. Prayers na lng guys.
For me, kahit anong mangyari, i applaud all the people who worked for this production. Especially the director adrian. Despite issues thrown at him and criticisms people made against him, still i commend him for his untiring work and the dedication he gave in this project. Para sa lahat behind the stage and the camera.. kudos to you guys! for all the performers, continue to glorify the Lord with your talents. I give you al, a standing ovation.

Kwentong Pag-ibig... (pagbigyan nio na ko)

2005-01-28T13:56:00.000+08:00

Nais ko lang magkwento at the same time mag labas ng sama ng loob kaya sana... Pagbigyan nio ko.

Have you ever been in love? Or maybe you thought you were in love but as time goes by everything just doesnt seem right? Or maybe you loved so bad and you gave your all until one day the one you love leaves you in tears that even up to now you still think about it?! well, MOVE on diba?! Sana nga madaling gawin gaya kung gaano kadali sabihin. Pero hindi eh diba?! Minsan napapaisip ka tuloy kung tanga ka ba, mahina ang loob mo... sa sobrang pagiisip nagseself-pity ka na. Wow ang sakit. Bakit nga ba hindi ganoon kadali maghilom ang mga sugat. Malalim siguro. For me... Malalim talaga. Imagine loving someone with all your heart to the point of almost losing your mind. I've been there.. and after what had happened ngayon ko lang naisip na napakatanga ko. Di ko namn sinasabi na di rin ako minahal kasi alam ko na for.. what?....3 years minahal din ako. Siguro dumadating na lang ang punto sa buhay na talagang nagsasawa na ang isang tao o kaya nman sa tingin niya hindi na tama ang relationship, na something are not enough talaga. Its been three years narin and i still think about it from time to time. I'm sorry if i'm not going into details mejo confidential kasi. Matagal nang panahon ang lumipas at aaminin ko na may nararamdaman parin ako para sa taong yun. Katangahan ko nga kelan lang.. sinabi ko sa knya. That night, we talked about a lot of things. We talked about what had happened, what is happening, why we are the way we are (?), what couldve been, stuffs like that. I never imagined that loving someone so intensely can change someones life. Indeed, that particular past of mine change a lot of things in me interms of my social life, my academics, my health, even my family. Thats how powerful that relationship was. Nothing can be compared to it. Do i regret what happened? I honestly dont. I am even thankful for what happened. It made my relationship with others stronger and i've learned to leave some space for myself. Napakarami kong natutunan tungkol sa pagibig at sa buhay. Minsan ganoon lang tlga, kailangang madapa ka muna ng ilang beses bago ka mamulat sa realidad ng buhay.

Abusado!

2005-01-11T10:42:00.000+08:00

Mahirap magtrabaho. Mahirap gumalaw sa mundo ng ikaw lang ang magisa. Wala kang katulong at walang karamay. Higit pang nakakainis ay ang mga pagkakataong may kasama ka nga pero parang nagiisa ka parin. Hinahayaan kang ikaw lang ang kumilos at ikaw lang ang gumagawa.
Naranasan mo na bang magreport nang ikaw lang ang nagsasalita considering na ito ay isang group report? Nasa harap ka ng klase habang ang professor mo and niluluto ka na sa hrapan. Ang mga kagrupo mo naman ay di makasagot at ikaw, sumusubok paring tapatan ang talino ng professor mo. Ang iba naman ay di mkapagsalita dahil wala silang alam sa pinagsasasabi mo dahil wala silang alam sa mismong report dahil ikaw lang ang nagtrabaho. At di lang sa isang pagkakataon yun.
Kada may group work kayo ang magkakagrupo at ilan lang kayong gumagalaw. Khit walo kau sa grupo, tatlo lang kaung siyang masipag na iniisip ang maaari niyong makuhang grade. Tpos kapag natapos na ang lahat, isa ka sa magsusuffer dahil sa kakulangan ng grupo mo.
Naranaan mo na bang tumulong sa isang kaibigan na siyang lumalapit sayo kpag may kailangan siya sayo? yung tipong pag ikaw namn ang problemado ay wala siya para makiramay sau. Kahit man lang sa mga magagaang pagkakataon, yung mga gimik lang, wala siya para makasama mong magenjoy. Parang ginagamit ka lang.
Naranasan mo na bang maabuso? ng kaibigan? o ng pagkakataon? Masakit noh! Pero minsan wala na tayong magawa. Tinatanggap na lang natin an sitwasyon at nangangarap na hindi na ito mangyari muli. Pero sa kasamaang palad, kadalasan nauulit siya. Napapaisip ka tuloy... "ako ba ang mali?", Mali ba ako dahil akoy nagpapaabuso?" O sadyang ginagawa ko lang ang tama dahil pag hinayaan kong wala akong gawin ay ako rin ang magdudusa sa hulihan?".. hmmm... ano nga ba?!
Nagkalat ang mga abusado sa mundo. Marami rin ang nagpapaabuso?! ano ba ako dito?!
Mei sense ba?!

Resolutions

2005-01-04T11:34:00.000+08:00

Bagong Taon na at panahon na naman para sa pagbabago. Handa nga ba tayo sa mga pagbabagong dala-dala ng taong 2005?! Ako hindi pa sigurado.
Ang nagdaang taon ay puno ng ibat-ibang emosyon para sakin. Ang daming pangyayari na masasabi kong nagpabago sa pananaw ko sa buhay. Ang dami kong natutunan at ang dami kong ring mga bagong kaibigan na nakilala sa paglalakbay ko sa taong 04. Nakakatuwa kasi di ko akalaing magagawa ko ang resolution ko nung 2004. Ni hindi ko na nga naalala kung ano man yung resolution na ginawa ko. Pagdating na lang ng bagong taon tinxt ako ng kaibigan ko (si Dane) at sinabing nagawa ko daw yung resolution ko. Ano nga ba yun? Resolution ko na ibabalik ko sa puso ko ang mga kaibigang nawala na sa buhay ko! At tama nga siya, nang hindi ko namamalayan ay nagawa ko pla ang nais kong gawin para sa 04.
Ano naman kaya ang nakalaan sa akin/sa atin para sa 2005? walang nakakaalam. Yan siguro, para sa kin, ang isa sa kagandahan ng buhay. Maraming misteryo na hindi natin kadalasang napaghahandaan pero willing naman tayong tanggapin at harapin. Malamang merong mga bagong pagsubok na dadating. Kakayanin ko kaya?! Basta't alam kong may karamay ako sa pagsubok na darating, alam kong kakayanin ko. Hindi ko naman sinasabi na aasa na lang ako sa ibang tao, masarap lang ang feeling na someones at your back to help you and tell you to keep on going and to keep on fighting ( diba batchmates!). Sa ngayon marami akong resolutions na naiisip pero handa na kaya akong isiwalat ang mga ito?! Nakakatakot kasi di ko alam kung magagawa ko ang mga ito! Ang importante sa kin ngayong taon ay magkaroon ako ng panahon para sa aking sarili. Yung tipog wla ka munang iniintindi kundi yung kaligayahan mo. Minsan kasi dumadating tau sa panahong nagpapakamartyr tau. Iniisip ang kaligayahan ng iba kahit sa ganitong sitwasyon ay di ka naman tunay na maligaya. May sense ba ko?!
Siguro ang pinakamagandang masasabi sa taong 05 ay dapat handa tayo sa kung ano mang darating sa mga buhay natin. Handa tayong harapin ng sama sama ang mga trahedya, ang mga pagsubok, ang mga luha, ang tawana, ligaya, inuman, at kung anu ano pa. Pananampalataya ang isa sa makakaramay natin sa panahong darating.
Oo nga pla, sa mga taong nakasama ko, mga kaibigan ko sa nagdaang taon, Maraming maraming salamat sa buhay na ibinahagi nio sakin. For sharing your lives to me, salamat. And I am looking forward to another great year with you guys! Happy '05

Pasko para sa lahat!

2004-12-26T20:58:00.000+08:00

Kagabi kami ng pamilya ko ay lumabas para lumibot sa Maynila sa kalagitnaan ng gulo at traffic na dala ng kapaskuhan. Kasama ng mga katulong at ng buong pamilya at mga ka-partner ng aking mga kapatid kami'y nagsaya-saya sa ibat-ibang lugar. Pumunta kami sa intramuros para lumibot, mamili at kumain. Dumayo kami sa may Ongpin para makisalo sa isang kaibigan ng pamilya at pumunta sa may bandang Q.C. para dumalo sa isang maliit na family reunion. Napakasaya ng napakahabang gabi. Maraming nakuhang regalo at maraming mga salitang naibahagi sa mga kaibigan at kamag-anak. Ngunit di diyan nagtapos ang gabi ko.
Ibinaba ako ng pamilya ko sa may Baywalk at dun nakipagkita ako sa ilang kaibigan. Sumakay muli sa isang sasakyan patungo sa isang destinasyon na di ko alam kung saan. Matraffic... Mabagal ang daloy ng mga sasakyan. Umaalingasaw pa ang amoy ng mga pagkaing dala dala namin sa party na pupuntahan namin. Nakakagutom tuloy. Sa haba ng traffic di ko maiwasang mapatingin sa aming mga dinadaanan. Napakaraming mga taong naninirahan sa ilalim ng mga puno sa Roxas Blvd. Napakaraming nakahiga lamang sa damuhan at tinutulugan na lang ang kapaskuhan. Napakaraming pamilyang nakaupos sa isang gilid ng eskenita at sama-samang pinaghahati-hatian at kakaunting pagkaing meron sila. Nakakalungkot. Heto kaming nagpakasaya at magpapakasay pa samantalang may mga taong nililipasan na ng guton sa araw ng pasok. Napakalupit ng buhay kung ating iisipin. Kahit anong gawin ng mga taong ito, wala silang magagawa dahil ito ata ang tinadhana sa kanila ng buhay.
Nagulat na lang ako ng bigala kaming lumiko sa isang kalsada.Tumigil sa isang empty parking lot at doon bumaba ang isa naming kasama. Dala-dala ang kanyang potluck na pagkain sa party, pinunthan niya ang ilang taong nakatambay sa ilalim ng puno at ibinigay ang kakaunting maibabahaging pagkain. Lumundag ang puso ko at dahan dahang namuo ang tila parang mga crystal na tubig sa aking mga mata. Isa-isa kaming bumaba at nagbahagi ng aming kayang iabot sa mga pamilyang nsa mg kalsada, eskenita at kailaliman ng puno. Sabay-sabay lahat na nagkainan sa ilalim ng puno sa may Roxas Blvd. Hindi ko alam kung pano nangyari yung ginawa namin, nagulat na lang ako dahil sa haba ng panahon kong kasama yung mga kaibigan kong yon, kahit kailan di ko sila nakasama sa ganitong napakasarap na pagkakataon.
Bakas ang ligaya sa mga pamilyang sinaluhan namin at bakas din ang tuwa sa mga mukha ng aking mga kaibigang nagbahagi ng konting piraso ng kanilang buhay. Ngunit bago pa man namin puntahan ang mga taong ito, kahit papaano ay kita mo sa kanilang mata ang ligay na dala ng kapaskuhan. Di na siguro mahalaga ang regalong matatanggap, ang pagkaing kakainin o ang mga dekorasyong isinasabit. Ang mahalaga ay sinong kasama mo sa mga panahong tulad nito at ang kagandahang loob na likas na nasayo sa pagdiwang ng Pasko.
Pagkatapos ng ilang oras, Kami'y umalis at nagpaalam sa aming mga natulungan. Nagtext kami sa dapat na pupuntahang party at nagsabing di na kami makakadating. Parang di na mahalaga ang pagpunta namin sa party, di dahil wala na kaming pagkaing ibabahagi sa party ngunit dahil ang ligayang makukuha namin sa pupuntahang salu-salo ay kahit kailanng di makakatumbas sa ligayang natamo naming sa party sa ilalim ng puno.

He never missed a Game

2004-12-22T11:19:00.000+08:00

I just wanted to share a very short story I read which truly moved me to tears... Hope you guys like it.

HE NEVER MISSED A GAME
By: Robert H Schuller

The story is told of a boy who always had to settle for second-string position. Yet his father never missed a game. After his father's death, the son, with tears in his eyes, said, "Coach, please let me start tonight. I want to play for my Dad."
The coach, knowing that the boy's dad never missed a game, agreed. The young man's performance on the field astounded the coach. When asked to explain his phenomenal level of acheivement, he said," Coach, I explained that one for Dad. My father never missed a game, but he never saw me play - until tonight! You see, coach, my father was blind."

Its such a nice story. The father never made his lack of sight a reason not to be with his son or a reason not to cheer for his son despite his son's second-string position. Its amazing how love can surpass boundaries. Love can truly make the blind see or even can make the deaf hear. Hindrances is only in the mind. As long as there is the passion and love for what you want, these hindrances can be destroyed.

Our Music

2004-12-17T13:54:00.000+08:00

aus diba pang album cover... dadating din kami jan... hopefully. Our acapella group, "The Bystanders", has been making music for two and a half years already. we started sa pagtambay lang sa classroom while jamming and blending our voices. and with that the bystanders was born. Then we were asked to sing for this event. we had no name pa nga nung time na un. Sabi pa namin "Sixbomb" na lg since there were 6 of us. We've been to a lot of events in and out of the school. For tv shows, concerts, school events and stuff. Although sometimes we dont get paid, its ok coz i guess were doin it for the love of the music.
Marami na ring napagdaan ang grupo. May tumiwalag, may nagaway, may kinaiinisan pero khit papano we continue blending naman. we try to be professional sa inagawa namin. Mahirap, Oo. Coz we have school and other extra curricular activities so we dont have much time for practices. And I'm telling you, mahirap talaga magpractice in an acapella group. You have to arrange the songs and think of the voices pa. Pero pag tulong tulong naman we get to accomplish the songs we want to sing.
Nakakatuwa pa kasi now we have a counterpart na. May naform narin na all girl acapella group in our class din. Sometimes all of us sing together. And astig grabe.
We love what we do and pakiramdam namin we'll be doin this for a very long time regardless na we get a recording contract or not. A lot of managers has approached us and wants to handle us, unfortunately most of us wants to concentrate on studies muna. Oh well. Siguro its not yet our time.
But more than anything I value the friendship I have with these guys. Khit may differences ang iba samin still i appreciate their presence in my life.
*pasensya na. wala na kong malagay sa blog. hehehe

Nang Maputol ang Pasensya

2004-12-09T20:17:00.000+08:00

* Nais ko lang maglabas ng sama ng loob... Pagbigyan nio ko

May mga pagkakataon sa buhay natin na talagang sinusubukan ang pasensya natin. Minsan nakakayanan natin. Minsan naman ay hindi. Gaya ng mga pagkakataong naghihintay tayo sa mga taong wala talaga sa oras kung dumating. Usapan alas otso dadating alas nwebe y medya. Aus diba. Pero aus lang. Minsan naman gustong gusto na natin lumabas sa classroom para makapag-yosi pero ito namang teacher niyo sige parin ang dakdak tungkol sa napaka-boring na leksyon. Hay maraming mga pagkakataong ganito talaga.
Pero para sakin ang nakakapikon ay ang mga taong talagang sinusubukan ang pasenya mo. Nakikisama ka nang mabuti. Concerned ka sa mga nagyayari sa kanya. Kinakamusta mo siya ng madals pero ito pala siyang sinasaksak ka na sa likod. Hinayaan mo. Di mo pinancin. Wala kang kibo dahil di ka naman dpat tlgang magpaapekto dhil wala rin namang naniniwala sa knya.
Pero anong gagagawin mo pag isang araw pinalala niya ang sitwasyon. Tumahimik ka na nga ikaw pa 'tong mali. Wala ka na ngang kibo ikaw pa 'tong sinaraan pa lalo. Nakapikon diba. Pinagpasensyahan mo na't lahat lahat ng ginagawa niya dadagdagan pa niya. eh aus pla siya dba. Yan ang taong nakakabaliw.
Nkakasama ng loob kasi all the time you thought aus kayo! Pinakisamahan mo siyaa at tinratong kaibigan sabay ganyan lang ang igaganti sayo. Ako, na isang pasensyosong tao pagdating sa ganyan, ay di rin martyr. Lalaban kung lalaban. Ang malala pa sa sitwasyon ika w na ang na-jahe ikaw pa ang aawayin.
Tumahimik ka na. Walang ginawa. Sbay isang gabi makakakuha ka ng message sa taong ito na galit na galit sayo ng walang dahilan! ang lahat ng kanyang pinagsasasabi ay walang basehan. Tama ba namn yun?! Nang damay pa siya ng ibang kaibigan mo. Aba away na to diba?! Pero dahil nga pasensyoso ako iintindihin ko muna aalamin ang totoong dahil... at ngayon nalaman ko na... Pagseselos! tama ba yun?! Lahat ng binulong niya sa ibang tao, lahat ng paninirang ginawa, lahat ng sakit at sama ng loob na dinulot ng pagsasalita niya ay wala plang katotohanan. Tinago pla ang totoong dahilan. Duwag ang tao para di umamin. Kung sa bagay mahirap ang aaminin niya na kelan lang nadiskubre namin. Mahirap lumabas sa kinatataguan niya. Pero ito lang ang masasabi ko! Lumabas ka na ng makahinga ka. tatanggapin ka naman ng ato wag ka lang manira at mangdamay para lang maipakita o maiparamdam ang gusto mo.
Mahirap magalit! ayokong magalit. Ako pasensyoso pero hindi manhid o martir. Lumipas sana. Ayoko masira kung ano ang meron ako at ang mga tao sa paligid ko nang dahil lang sa isang taong walang ibang gusto kundi manira at manggulo.
Ano na lang kaya ang mangyayari sa kanya?! Bahala na si Lord sayo.

01

2004-12-01T17:44:00.000+08:00

I just thought of making an entry dedicated to my PRM batchmates. La lang all of a suden naisip ko sila and how we've come a long way. Ang iba samin di naman talaga magkakaibigan simula nung umpisa, sa movement na lang naging mag close. Ang iba naman magkakabarkada na nung highschool pa, ang iba magkakakila pero di naman gaanong nagpapansinan noon. Pero a magical thing happened once nagsama-sama kami sa PRM. Parang instant bonding. We dont know how it happened but thank God it did coz ngayon i dont think i could call my life as life if wala ang mga batchmates na ito sa buhya ko na kasama ko sa kalungkutan, kalookohan, kasiyahan at kung ano ano pang ka---han. Alam na namin more or less ang ugali ng isa't-isa pero minsan di naman maiiwasan ang magkatampuhan (master ako niyan). Pero ganyan talaga sa isang pamilya. Its not a bed of roses ika nga! We live not in a fantasy world full of peace and pleasure but we do live in lifes reality and thats what truly makes it life.
Sabi samin ng mga tao bilib daw sila sa batch namin. Bakit kaya? kasi bonded kami? kasi nagtutulungan? I really dont know the answers to those questions pero for me tunay akong proud sa batchmates ko!
Si BART... ang kasama ko sa unang palang na akyat as an aspi. Astig kasama! Music talaga! mhal nia ang ginagawa nia kyat mhal din siya ng ginagawa nia. When she sings parag tatahimik na lng ang buong lugar ang all you could hear is the angelic sound of her voice. Nagkatampuhan na kami nito minsan kasi patawa na masyado pero la namang problemang di namin inaayos when it comes to the two of us. Maasahan ko yan at ako gamay ko na ugali nian lalo na ang pagiisip nia sa lovelife.. diba?! for some odd reason alam ko na kung sino ung guy na sinasabi niya even before sabihin niya sakin.
Si DARYLL... we go way back pa nung nursery. eto nagtampo na din sakin to. Samin na lng siguro yun kung bakit. Malufet tong kitchen head. I never questioned his commitment to the movement kasi umpisa pa lng alam mo nang tatagal siya! dedicated siya to what he does and puts his heart in everything! minsan rebellious nga lang masyado! Nagpapasalamat ako dito dahil kadalasan pag najajahe ako pinagtatanggol niya sa abot ng makakaya nia and alam niyang ganun din naman ako sa knya.
Si DANE... ang music wanabee.. na pwede naman daw talaga! unang akyat pa lng niya sabi ko na kay ate reg.. "Pwede tong mag head" Metikoloso at pulido. Makulit nga lang pagnkainom. Kawawa kami ni bart dito. hehehe! diba? pero itong tao na to ka-clos ko na 1st year highschool pa. away bati pa nga kami eh! pero nalampasan na namin un! He is one of the friends i trust the most if not the one i truly trust. Lahat nasasabi ko dito nang di nag-aalala kung anong magiging reaction niya. Totoo siya sakin at sa mga tao sa paligid niya!
Si BRY... Ang dorm head na malufet. Ika nga ni Dax talagang one of the best daw si bry mag-head ng dorm. Nung una kala ko di ko to makakasundo. Grade school pa lng kasi magkakilala na kami pro we never really got to be close. dito lng talaga sa PRM. Si bry aus magtrabaho. Ever hearthrob ng batch namin kahit naman noon pa. Pero ang nakakatuwa sa kanya ay di naman lumalaki ulo nia sa dami ng ppol that admires him. At eto si bry... pag antok na wag mo nang kulitin o kausapin kasi nkakatakot! ang sungit niya! pero once naka bawi na ng tulog aus na yan! on the go na ulit.
Si KARL... busy siya ngaun with thesis ata and OJT pero its ok! pag nanjan naman siya todo buhos sa trabaho para kay Superfriend and he never forgets yung mga taong kasama niya sa PRM. Ang gusto ko kay karl ay makulit siya! pag kumanta yan aus din! Bakt**g yan pag fit ang shirt! parang ako! ahahaha! Pero aus kaibigan si karl. Masarap kasama and seryoso pag kailangan.
Si ROSE... ang nanay ko! Masungit tignan sa umpisa pero shes one of the sweetest gurls i know. Sobrang grabe yan pag nakinig sau and she gives great advice. Tahimik kung minsan at paranoid pero ok lng. Ive known her for such a long time already and kilalang kilala ko na yan! minsan magulo lovelife pero all good parin sa friends.
Si TOPET...parang kabute na bigla na lang sumusulpot. pero kahit paminsan-minsan lang magpakita aus parin kasi alam naman natin kung paano siya magtrabaho! May pagka chick boi din to pero di naman masyado! Makulit pag kinulit at seryoso pag sineryoso! And hes very friendly. At di niya kinakalimutan na batiin ka everytime he sees you sumwer. Di suplado!
Nakakalungkot na sa dami ng sumali sa batch namin ay itong mga tao na lng na ito and SOBRANG active. Oh well siguro na-sala lang talaga. Pero the good thing about this batch is kahit konti lang ang natira, we still work as if marami kami and we try to work as one. Di ko na talaga ma-imagine ang buhay na walang Bart, Daryl, Dane, Bryan, Karl, Rose at Topet. Kulang na kulang. Sori kung baduy ang entry kO! la lang naisip ko lng kau! :) Ciao

BOSES!

2004-11-28T19:21:00.000+08:00

Naranasan mo na ba yung tipong lumalaban ka sa isang pagkakataon na kinakailangang mong magsalita. Laban ka nang laban ngunit walang nangyayari sapagkat di napapakinggan ang munting boses mo. Sino ka ba naman para pakinggan ng tao? Hindi ka naman sikat. Hindi ka naman importanteng tao sa institusyon kung nasan ka. Bakit ka nga naman pakikinggan diba?
Kahit nais mo lang tumulong at ipaglaban ang nakararami minsan ang bulong ng iyong boses ay di sapat para pakinggan ng mga taong nsa mataas na level ng palapag sayo. Kung mahina ang loob mo, susuko ka na lang sa pagkakataong ito at uupo na lamang sa isang tabi habang pinapanood ang mga pangyayaring sa tingin mo/niyo ay di nararapat.
Kung malakas naman ang loob mo ay susugod ka lang sa laban nang di na bulong ang dala kundi sigaw upang ipaglaban ang iyong saloobin at ang saloobin ng iba.
Pero kung "wala" ka sa paningin ng iba paano mo nag ito gagawin? Paano mo iparirinig ang boses na ni minsan di pinakinggan ng tao? Ang sakit noh. Siguro di naman ito nangyayari palagi ngunit kahit man lang isang beses sa buhay natin ay naramdaman o mararamdaman natin na parang walang kwenta ang opinion natin o ang tinig natin. Kung dumadating man ang ganyang pagkakataon bakit hindi tayo lumaban ngunit hindi sa paraang di kanais-nais ngunit sa paraan mas malakas, mas dinig at sa paraang nakakasiguro tayo na may katwiran ang ating sasabihin.

"Ang isang munting tinig na bihirang pakinggan ang kadalasan siyang pinaka may katwiran" -CALOI

Alaala ng isang kaibigan

2004-11-21T19:10:00.000+08:00

Death comes like a thief in the night. it comes usually in the most unexpected way. I started to wonder these past few days if ever a person is truly ready for death. Handa nga ba talaga tayong mamatay kahit na sobrang relihiyoso tau or kahit alam na natin na may sakit tayo at ilang buwan na lng mamatay na tayo. Napakarami kong iniisip sa ngayon tungkol sa kamatayan. bakit dumadating ito sa mga taong di pa handa o sa tingin natin di pa handa? bkit dumadating ito sa mga pagkakataong di nating ineexpect? bkit sa tao pang npakabait and to a person who hasnt really done anything wrong with his life? Only God knows.
I'd like to dedicate this entry to a friend of mine who died just a few days ago.
My kababata and very close friend died last Nov. 18 in the most cruel way possible. For me cruel na yung ngyari sa kanya kasi it was truly unexpected and he does not deserve the horrible death that was thrown at him.
I was at a friends house drinking last thursday when a friend of mine texted me and said "Carlo, tawag ka sakin importanteng balita lang". And so i called. My friend told me that my kababata died that afternoon. Sinaksak. nakaabot sa hospital pero nauubusan din ng dugo in the end. I was so shocked,na nung una di ko nagawang umiyak hangang sa lumabas yung isa kong kaibigan from the room and asked me what happened. wla akong nagawa kundi umiyak! ang bigat sa dibdib coz i totally did not expected the news i just got. Nagulat ako. Naisip ko... "kahapon lang kausap ko lang siya sa cellphone tpos today patay na siya". Wow diba. I went home early that night and couldnt bring myself to face my family on the dinner table with tears continually running down my cheeks. I went straight to my room and cried. Sinigawan pa ko ng kapatid ko. Bastos daw ako kasi dumerecho daw ako agad sa kuwarto ng walang good evening man lang. eventually my mom went upstairs and saw me crying so i told her the news. I cried like a baby in my moms arms in a fetal position. Grabe first time ko atang umiyak ng ganun. Parang ang daming ngyari nung gabing yun. I realized how important people are, i realized how some people can be INsensitive, i realized that i have my family to comfort me.. basta ang dami dami kong naisip! Buti na lng there were people who helped me go through that night (salamat sa inyo).
My friend who passed away was one of those people who inspires me to become a better man. Napakabait nung taong yun. Pinaglalaban niya ang tama. Masunurin siya. Relihiyoso. Not to mention matalino pa siya at masipag! nagpupursige siya para sa pamilya niya. Bilib ako sa kanya. Its so sad that such a person died in a gruesome manner. Masakit!
The past few weeks binubuhay niya ang pagka-estudyante niya as a Student council officer who protects and nagtatanggol sa isang kaibigan niya na najajahe! Pinaglalaban niya ang tama! Ganun kasi tlga siya. he's at ur back pag alam niyang tama ka at pupunahin ka rin niya pag mali ka! totoo siyang tao! Idol ko nga yun eh. Nung araw na namatay siya maraming naisip ang mga tao na dahilan kung bakit siya nasaksak. Sa amin na lng yun kung ano yung mga theories na yun.
I was able to talk to his mom nung isang araw. Shes ok! Kaya daw niya! natutuwa lang siya na nung namatay ang kanyang anak alam niyang may ipinaglalaban tong kabutihan! Bayani siya para sa knyang pamilya at para na rin sakin.
Naisip ko na lng ganyan talaga ang buhay! lahat may wakas. di lang talaga natin alam kung kelan titigil ang takbo ng oras ng buhay natin. Oo pinahahandaan and kamatayan pero sino bang naghahanda? siguro meron sating sasagot na "Ako nghahanda". Para sakin ang importante ay we live our lives to its fullest potential and try to live it in the best way possible. basta't alam ko na na nakagawa na ko ng something worthwhile sabuhay ko then siguro i can say that i am ready. Si Lord lang nakakaalam! Lets just lift it up to him.

FOR MY KABABATA: Chong nsan ka man mahal ka namin! mahal kita and kahit kailan di ka mawawala sa puso't isipan namin!maraming salamat sa pagiging ispirasyon sa mga tao sa paligid mo. alam kong masya ka jan kya maligaya na rin kami para sayo. Hanggang sa muling pagkikita

MASKARA

2004-11-08T22:30:00.000+08:00

People have this tendency to run away from lifes realities. We tend to escape our fate or sometimes hide from what is in front of us. We try so hard to wear masks and project to people false truths. Maybe not really show something we are not but maybe hide a part of us that we are not ready to show to people or hide something we are not ready to share. That is why we tend to become clowns in our serious world.
I know a lot of people who tries so hard to project a jolly and gay image to other people. They are those people who crack jokes or keep us in a constant mood of happiness. I am not saying this in general but maybe some. Some say that these people are really the ones who are hiding the true sadness in their eyes. Behind their make-up and never ending smile lies a weeping person waiting to be heard. The problem is they are the ones hiding it.
In some instances I am guilty of such clown image. I guess all of us. Maybe its because we choose not to dwell on the bad things but rather concentrate on the lighter things in life. Its not because we put aside our problems totally but its more of putting it aside in the meantime.
Are you one of those people? If yes then don’t worry because you are not alone. For sure almost everybody who will read this or has read this is guilty of projecting a false image even for just once in their lives.
I remember coming across this story about a clown juggler who entertains people in a small perya. People in the small baranggay where he is working at watches him with awe and delight as he gives so laughter and joy to all people. He shows how fun he is and how much humor he has. But it turns out as this clown removes his make-up and goes home to change his funny clothes, his life is a complete drama. He works hard for a sick mother and his 5 malnourished children and tries to keep them in school. His life is a soap opera in reality.
It is so ironic how a person in such a profession has a dramatic life. If you think about it, it is so hard to have his job of keeping people in joy and giving laughter to people while having a dreadful life. Well I guess that another reality of life, that most people wear masks to be able to live life normally or to at least be happy even for just a few moments in a day.
Why are we afraid to show who we truly are or to show others what we truly feel or what we are experiencing? We have our own reason. Whatever our reasons are time will only tell when we are ready to remove our masks.

*kung may maling grammar os isfeyling pasensya na po! krong krong na ko nung ginawa ko to! :)

May sense ba?

2004-11-01T13:12:00.000+08:00

You cant expect anything from anyone. Isa yan sa mga natutunan ko sa buhay ko! hindi dapat na basta basta na lng tau magexpect ng something sa isang tao ksi di naman dapat natin inoobliga ang tao na gawin ang gusto nating makuha o ang gusto nating gawin nila. Kahit na sabihin nating yung bgay na inaasahan natin gawin nila ay tama still it is not right to expect na gawin nila yun. Desisyon nila kung ano ang gusto nilang gawin sa buhay nila at desisyon nila kung paano nila tatratuhin ang isang tao. Magulo na naman ba ang mga pinagsasasabi ko? pag pasensiyahan ni0 na ko. Ive been through some things recently that made we think of what i am to others and how i affect their lives. whether i am too controlled, whether i am neglectful or whether i am dominating. I guess one mistake of mine would be that i care too much?! is that wrong? in my experience yes. Siguro dapat lang na we control the level of emotions we give to others. Mali ko siguro is minsan wala na akong tinitira sa sarili ko. Or sometimes sa sobrang binibigay ko nageexpect na tuloy ako sa ibang tao na ganun din ang ibigay sakin! dun sigurado na ko na mali ako! Iba iba ang level of pagmamahal ng isang tao sa isa pang tao. We cant expect another person to love us the same way we love them. if di nila tau matapatan that doesnt mean naman na di narin nila tau mhal! siguro un lng talaga ung kaya nilang ibigay. Tanggapin na lng natin. we should never compare the amount of time, effort or love a person gives us to our own. Iba iba ang tao at yun ang totoo. Natutunan ko yan noon pa pero siguro ngayon lng talaga nag-sink in sa utak ko. Sa mga nangyari recently part of me nagalit at minsan wala nang pakialam. Sabi ko nga minsan i couldnt care less na sa mga bagay bagay at sa mga ibang tao kasi... ewan... tama na siguro. Siguro yun lang ung nararamdaman ko sa ngayon but i know i'll get over the anger or pagtatampo. hopefully. Alam ko naman kung ano ang tamang gawin at kung ano tlga ang tamang maramdaman. I will leave something for myself para in the end hindi rin ako masaktan.
May sense ba?!

Tiwala..tiwalag...

2004-10-28T13:40:00.000+08:00

Trust is not something you can give right away. Its something that is earned and should be taken care of. Its not something you neglect and not something you just put aside and just pick up when you feel like having it back.
In my life I've learned the value of trust. And for as long as i've had it and gained it from people i believe i have held it with a tight grip, never letting it go and never neglecting it.
How come there are people who you thought you trusted, who you fought for, who you shared your life with who suddenly broke that trust?! You believed everything they said because you trusted them. And then with just one snap of a finger you realize and witness that they were untrue. I guess its one of the cruel things that life brings us. You cant expect anything from a person unless you really really can prove that they should be trusted. Words are not enogh sometimes. you have to see for yourself if the truthfulness of a person is really in them.
Ive been through so much betrayal and lies in my life already that at times i just cant seem to find people who i can really trust. Sometimes i just keep things to myself so that i wont get betrayed or let other people talk behind my back. Masakit!
Sometimes naman we think that people trust us ayun pla they dont. All the time we are with them. Most of the time they tell you everything then one day you realize that they are keeping something from you. Something that is not really worth keeping. Masakit din.
I think ive been through all those scenarios. What did i do?! nothing. I just kept my mouth shut and allowed things to just pass and live my life as if nothing happened. Why should i dwell on things not worthy to be dwelled upon dba. anyway siguro during those times na ngyayari yung mga ganong bagay a part of me really gets hurt. Sometimes its very visible sometimes i just smile as if wlang nangyari. I dont allow myself to get so angry. sayang lang ang galit ko. I just move on with my life and try to find people worth trusting.
Although i have a lot of issues about trusting people still life has been good to me coz somehow i still found genuine friends who i can say are really trustworthy. Siguro im just pouring out these emotions right now because recently some friends who i thought trusted me are keeping something from me and some friends pla di mko dapat basta paniwalaan ang mga sinasabi nila coz some things theyve said are all lies. Still I am still tankfull for some who are worthy of friendship and trust. Thank you guys. you know who you are.
Yun lng po.

Oktoberfest!

2004-10-23T21:16:00.000+08:00

Aus talaga! Masaya ba guys?! "San Miguel May J***g*fest". Saya noh. Nais ko lang ibahagi ang karanasan sa mga taong di namin nkasama nung gabing Oktoberfest. Sayang wala kau at hindi nio naranasan ang pagpila sa npakahaba at napakasikip na pila doon. Astig pa tlaga ang mga tao at cool na cool talaga. Diba guys (aena, gox, kc, bart, ben, Kuya D pati narin denchie at chuck). Astig pa ang banda. Nadun si jaya, bituin at anna fegi all rolled into one and si paolo santos na nagra-rap pla. Astig tlaga. Singing to the tune of "toya toya toya TWING TWING TWING" ahahaha! malufet! enjoy tlga ang mga tao sa tugtugan, batuhan ng beer, hubaran at siksikan. Samahan mo pa ng samu't saring usok ng hotdog, bbq, at churizo. Sayang tlga at di nakasama ang ibang sa ibang klaseng karanasan namin doon. Sayang at di nkasunod ang mga taong akala namin ay susunod :). Jahe nga at umalis kmi ng maaga... bkit nga ba tau umalis?! ahahaha. Pagalis pa mas lalong enjoy nang may pumisil sa pw** ko nung ngsisiksikan kmi palabas. Aus pla eh diba. I feel exploited. :( Ngunit di natapos ang pagenjoy namin nung umalis kmi doon. Tumungo pa kmi kna Benigs. Naglakad mula Sm habang may kasamang puputok na ang bladder sa sobrang kaihian. Naiihi na eh nkuha pang bumili muna ng manok. Aus tlga. Tunay na masay pagdating na kna Ben. Masarap ang ksama, samahan mo pa ng mg matatalik na mgkakaibigan eh enjoy tlga. Sayang at sandali lang. Pero aus parin ksi bawat segundo ay puno ng kaligayahan. Ok dba.
haaayyy la na ko masabi... natulala lng ako sa oktoberfest! bwahahaha!

WHAT WAS

2004-10-20T11:47:00.000+08:00

RED CANDLE

I sit alone by the pane
As I see the setting sun
Light slowly fades
and darness envelops
my tiny world
I stay in the stillness of silence
and yearn for some glow
I search
and bump at every corner
of my isolation to find light
I take hold of something
something thats seems to be red
in my eyes and i light it up
It soon sparks up
my small, lonely space
and gives a silvery glitter
to my drowning eyes.
It rains on my cheeks
and i feel myself
melting away with what i was holding
I pause
and thought of
the apathy of time
How cruel it can be
how fast time passes
how deep the pain it caused
My own light starts to fade away
i am left with nothing
but a bruised chest
I blow the light.
With the smoke it forms,
I fly into silence
and darkness
Never to return

-CALOI

In life there are some things that totally changes your being. Once It passes you can never bring it back or you can nevr bring back what you have lost in you. You struggle to bring everything back but it seems like everything you do is not enough.
I've lost a part of me in one instance in my life. I liked who i was before then it happened. Somebody took away what i loved and what i held important in my life. Then everything changed. I was changed. I really dont know why i changed or why it affected me so bad. All i know is that at first i blamed...somebody. In time i realized I had to blame myself. I blame myself because i brought it upon me. Partly it was somebody else' fault but come to think of it, why did i let it or what happened, change me?! Did i make the wrong move? wat i wrong the whole time? Up to now i dont know.
Some people say that in some aspects i am a much better person but some say i amn not. I no longer know what to believe in and i dont trust much anymore. What happened to me? I want what i had lost. I miss who i was but i like who i am no as well. Can't i have it both. I guess not.
God only knows when the time will come when i would be totally happy with who i am. i love myslef but i love what i had as well. Maybe someday soon i can have it back... I really dont know.

Sarap Kumawala

2004-10-19T13:30:00.000+08:00

ang sarap kumawala sa buhay buhya minsan. yung tipong wla kang iniisip, walang inaalala. Nagawa ko yun the past few days. Nagbakasyon sa mejo malayong lugar. Ang sarap ng pakiramdam ko. for three days wala akong nakasama kundi ang aking mga matatalik na mga kaibigan at kami ay nagpakasaya. Walang inisip kundi anong kakainin mamaya, or anong iinumin or pano magsiswiming or anong oras magbibilyar or saang kama matutulog dhil ang daming pwedeng higaan.Napakasarap magmuni-muni (kahit walang moon hahaha *wink*) unang araw na pagtapak sa malawak na lugar na un ay kami'y nagliwaliw. Sarap maglakad ng malayo. Doon ko lng naranasan yun. Yung khit gaano kalayo ung nilakad, Aus lang sapagkat masaya at enjoy talaga. Paminsan-minsan naiisip ko ang ibang tao na hindi ko kasama sa mundo naming iyon. ang ibang kaibigan na hindi nakasama (pero dapat sana ksama grrrr). Ang mga kapamilya kong magserbisyo na ilang araw ko ring di nakasama, naisip ko rin na sana kasama ko sila doon kung saang tunay na enjoy tlga! sna nandun sila. Naisip ko rion ang nakaraang araw na kaarawan ko at ang mga taong nang-gulat sakin ng ala una ng umaga na khit lasing at krong krong ay pumunta parin sa bhay at bumati (salamat sa inyo). haaaayyy.
tatlong araw na puro kasiyahan ang naisip. Tatlong araw na puno ng *** (ahahaha), alak, swimming, bilyar, baraha, *** sa kama, pagkain galore, Isang araw na ***urat (diba buds), talong araw na pagnanature trip, pagsisimba, pag "sugar cane" and everything. Ang saya
Sa mga kasama ko kau ang lubos na nkakaintindi nung ligaya! sayang at natapos. sa uulitin naman diba (LA LOPA) ahahaha!.
Tunay ngang masarap na kumawala paminsan minsan. It gives you time to relax. Ang sarap ng pakiramdam na parang wala kang iniisip at walang pakialam.
Noong paalis na kami naisip namin, "ano kayang nangyari sa mundo nung wala tau?" nakakatuwa ksi khit papaano may pakialam parin kmi. Paguwi may bahid ng lungkot ngunit masaya narin dhil kamiy kumawala sa mundo khit saglit. Ngaung "back to reality" na aus lng. Mas handa na at mas peaceful na (sa tinggin ko) ang paglalakbay sa buhay. diba drunk budz?! sa uulitin!!!!

Kaarawan

2004-10-15T16:17:00.000+08:00

Age is just a number right?! It doesn't really define the maturity of a person. Siguro 20 na nga ako pero sa ibang cases kung mag-isip para paring bata at sa ibang pagkakataon I act beyond my years. So sa totoo lng para sa akin wla tlga ang edad. La lng naisip ko lng.
Anyway, it is my birthday today but sa totoo lang i dont see anything special about this day. Parang wala lng. depressing noh?! siguro nga. Maybe its because a lot of things are bothering me. Ganda kasi ng timing birthday ko pa. hehe. Pero still i see these "bothersome" stuffs as a blessing. Siguro it'll make me mature and feel more special once i get through all of this. Pero khit na may bahid ng kalungkutan sa kaarawan ko, natutuwa parin ako sapagkat maraming nkaalala sakin. Di ko nga akalain na maaalala ng iba ang kaarawan ko. May mga taong bumati sa akin na pagkatagal-tagal ko nang ndi nakikita. Gaya halimbawa ng bestfriend ko na nsa Australia, o gya ni Liz, ni kay, ni Kristina (na nsa probinsya). Basta napakarami. Nakakatuwa pa nga knina... Natulog kasi ako ng maaga-aga kgabi. I slept at around 11:30 tpos nagising ako ng mg 12:40 pagtinngin ko sa cellphone ko... Aba 28 messages received. la lng nakakatuwa.
Nabubuhayan ang loob ko dhil naiisip ko na maraming nagmamahal sakin. Maraming nais akong mkasama (khit d pwede), maraming nasa likuran ko pag ako'y bumagsak. haaayyy... sarap nga tlga plang mag-birthday. I'm not saying the world revolves around me at di naman ako nagpapaka-conceited, masarap lng ang pakiramdam na ganito. Yung sa isang araw khit mabigat ang mundo mo, khit gaano pa man khirap ang buhay at sa tinggin mo walang special sa araw na ito.. ay mararamdaman mong special ka.
Maraming Salamat sa inyo.. pinagaan nio ang loob ko. Binuhay nio ang buhay ko. Salamat
*Naks ang drama!*

Await the Beloved

2004-10-15T16:05:00.000+08:00

As I arise from my slumber
your smoky shadows engulfs my being
Slipping into dreamless sleep
your presence felt
with whimsical urge
Cradling, lulling
like me
into the sweetness of soft rain
and falling leaves
I await;
Your mantle
embraces me
Caressing my now smiling flesh
Shimmering, sensing;
You come to me
in a whisper
In the caress of the breeze
Through my thoughts of uncertainty
with vivid pictures of home
Intoxicating, swirling
Diluting me
Readying;
and then...
a blank stare
a name?
I question my beloved
Engulfing every fiber in me
filling my day
I am :
Vulnerable
Trusting
The sun in my eyes;
I cease to be
When there is no more
YOU

-CALOI Suzara
Kindly comment on this thank you!! :)

routine!

2004-10-14T16:15:00.000+08:00

ndi ba minsan nakakasawa na ang buhay magaaral. Parang bawat araw ay pare pareho na lang ang nangyayari. Gigising ka maliligo, tpos kakain o magsisipilyo, magbibihis. Basta depende sa pagkakasunod sunod pero pare-pareho lng tau ng ginagawa. Pagkatapos ng lhat ng yun tayo'y aalis na at pupunta sa kanya kanyang school. And iba magcocomyut at ang iba naman ay may sasakyang sarili. Iba't iba ang dinadaanan natin pero kadalasan pare pareho lang na may traffic. Swerte ko na lng na malapit lang ang skul ko. 2 trike at nandun na ako! may kamahalan nga lng ang bayad. pero anong magagwa ko kailangan pumasok eh khit sawang sawa na ako. Pagdating sa daluhasaan (ika nga ng aking retorika titser), ayun same same, magaaral. Papasukan ang mga subject at kung tinatamad di na papasok at tatambay na lng sa lung saan saan. Uulitin ko.. pareho na naman tau jan! pag tinamaan ng katamaran di na papasok. tama ba ako?! hehehe! ako aamin kadalasan tinatamad tlga akong pumasok kya tuloy FA kung minsan. Tinatamad ako sapagkat parang paulit ulit na lng ang ngyayari. Sabihin na nating may bagong topic sa ibang subject still pare parehong mukha, pare parehong main subject at sunod sunod ang mga subject! haaaay! nakakabaliw. pero bkit kya kpag kaibigan ang kasama mo araw araw sa iisang lugar lng tila di tau ngsasawa. Siguro gago lng ako na ayaw na talaga magaral. sa tingin mo?! ewan. Siguro nababato lng ako dahil parang ang tgal. Parang gusto ko ng kumawala at mamuhay katulad ng isang propesyonal. Pero syempre nakakatakot parin. Bigla ko tuloy naisip. handa na nga ba ako? bkit ako ngmamadali? Palagay ko pag akoy nkatapos na mamimiss ko rin ang routine ko bilang estudyante. yung pagkatapos ng lhat ng aral at gmik sa town (ahahah) uuwi na at magpapahinga at iisipin kung gnun parin ba ang takbo ng bukas. May sense pa b ko?! haaayyy tama na nga!
Palagay ko natututo na ko... Magtitiis na lang khit nkakasawa.. para rin naman sa akin to...

Fears.. Worries.. Concerns...

2004-10-12T12:02:00.000+08:00

I have had all kinds of fears. First, I feared the dark, dogs and being forced to eat those yucky vegetables. Then I was afraid of failing in class, or not be accepted in school or not making it on top of the class. After that I was afraid of moving, passing my major subjects, not to mention bigger worries about murderers, or the house burning down or whatever, even the ailing economy.
So what am i afraid now? it all started when i was in fourth year. Everybody was like cheering upon passing our last examination. I slouched on my desk, with my head buried in my hands. The prospect of going to college didnot the least excite me and prompt me to cheer and toss papers around in class. I couldnt get over how fast time flew
The irony of it all is that I've been petitioning God on every first day of school to make the year roll by beyong the speed limit because I couldn't wait to ditch high school and face the outside world. Leave behind the ridicule of being just another average teen. Zoom past the first times and experiences that are supposed to mold and shape us into adults and help us find out who we really are and what we are cut to be.
Now i'm in college. Its been 4 years since i graduated high school and i've learned to deal with the fears i have. but sometimes i'm just not ready for it...
I've been in limbo lately. Even parties and gimmicks have failed to spark fire in my social life. A voice in the back of my head has been telling me there are better things to do, like reading a book, writing, or paint or sketch. So i haven't minded too much when my parents wouldn't let me go out.
Conceited, i've believed i'm too mature and too smart to need to deal with the highs and lows that come with my life. I've been hurrying through the years, envisioning graduation day when i kiss college goodbye and say "im outta here!"
Now that i am one year from graduating (hopefully) and finnaly facing the outside world, I am afraid i am not ready for it. I dont know what to do or what road i should take. So many things can happen that i don't want to get ahed of myself and aspire for something out of my league then be disappointed afterwards.
A recent newspaper article stated that the youth are satisfied with the way things are going at present. Most actually used the word "happy". Obviously, students in public schools, street children who work to survive and juvenile delinquents were not surveyed. How come nobody asked them? How come nobody asked me?
Am i the only one who's complaining? Not just about school but about sitting in three hour traffic, walking through yet another mall, counting the number of unfinished buildings, reading a newspaper filled with more depressing news than good and staring at street children who tap on the car window? and why can't the present situation be better?
Many times i wonder if i should just pack my bags and leave Who needs the traffic, the pollution, the overcrowding and the ineffective government? i dont have to care. But the when my mom tells me, "then youve been defaeted, Carlo". The guilt stings. I realize that I ca't turn my back and give up without trying. Despite mt fears about the uncertain future, about graduating the decision to stick it out is still mine to take.

Padaan lang

2004-10-11T23:19:00.000+08:00

Nais ko lang mangumusta sa mga tao! saglit na daan lamang. May mga pagkakataon kasi na tila sa tinggin ko nakakalimot na ako sa mga tao sa paligid ko. Di ko na napapansin ang mga pangyayari sa mga buhay buhay nila at di ko na sila nakakamusta. Nais kong malaman kung ano na? Kamusta na sila? aus lang ba sila? Naiisip pa kya nila ko?
Bkit may mga saglit na di ko sila naiisip. sana di ako nkakalimot... pero nakakalimot nga ba ko gayong naiisip ko sila ngayon? eto na naman ako... magulo ang paguutak.
yun lang. napadaan lang yun sa isipan ko kya napadaan ako ngayon dito... :)

last night...

2004-10-10T19:37:00.000+08:00

last night was great... i kinda felt lighter after last night. i was able to cry it all out, to forget, to forgive, to think... just to feel at peace for a while. in a few days i'll be having i'll be getting older and hopefully more mature. Mature enough to deal with things going on in life.

anyway, last night was masaya talaga! khit ngkabukingan masaya parin, right peeps?! i dont know bout you guys but i realized a lot of things last night. Naisip ko na tlgang ibang iba kau! sa khit ano at khit sino nanjan kau! la lng! i appreciated you guys more.

la na ko maisip sabihin! sa susunod....

senseless?!

2004-10-07T10:08:00.000+08:00

sa buhay ko may mga bgay akong di naiintindihan pero khit di ko pa ito maintindihan tanggap lang ako ng tanggap. May mga bagay na di na kailangang ipaliwanag... sadya na lang ngyayari. di natin maintindihan, di rin mapaliwanag ngunit tinatanggap natin. minsan iniisip ko na kahit magbebente na ko sa tinggin ko inosente parin ako sa mga bagay bgay. i'd like to think that there is still some innocence in me. im not just those mature people who live their lives without a care. i live my life with meaning, with purpose. although there are some unexplainable things which may seem like a mystery to me still that doesnt hinder me from living my ever-changing mystrious life.
eto na naman ako... magtatagalog.. tpos i'll switch to english. thats another unexplainable thing about me, for me.
gulo ko na naman noh! mei sense ba?

KAILANGAN

2004-10-05T10:22:00.000+08:00

Kailangang bumangon. Kailangang labanan ang pagod ng katawan at ilayop ang sarili sa higaan. Kailangang kaladkarin ang paa sa malamig na sahig. Kailangang uminom ng tubig. Kailangang pumunta sa banyo at umihi. Tumae. Kailangang maligo. Kailangang buhusan ng tubig ang antok, sama ng loob at gutom. Kailangang kuskusin ang sarili ng labakara at sabon. Kailangang punasan ang katawan. Kailangang gamitin ang tuwalyang ilang lingo nang hindi nalalabhan. Kailangang magbihis upang magarang tignan. Kailangang magbihis ng magara upang tignan. Kailangang magsuklay, magpabango. Kailangang kumain. Kailangang kumain upang hindi manghina habang naghahanap ng pambili ng makakain. Kailangang uminom ulit. Kailangang kumain at uminom para bukas ay may maitae at may maiihing muli. Kailangang isipin kung anong kakainin bukas. Kailangang tanungin ang sarili kung nakabayad na sa koryente o nakaipon na ng pangmatrikula ng anak. Kailangang bilisan. Kailangang bilisan ang pag-iisip at pagkain ng ulam na matabang. Kailangan, kailangan, kailangan. Sa paghiga ng araw, kailangan naming matulog. Matulog dahil meron pang bukas, kung kalian kailangan na naming bumangon. O kaya matulo na lang nang mahimbinh na mahimbing, habang nakalibing

impatient!

2004-10-04T10:21:00.000+08:00

naasar ako! you guys wer suppposed to be here an hour ago and still youre not here! i havent even received one single text from any of you! m i just being impatient or is it alright that my blood s boiling because of waiting. i am used to waiting... waiting for the phone to ring, waiting for my food to be cooked, waiting for my name to be called, waiting in line, waiting for life to change... but i have never been tired of waiting... i guess just now!
how come in life we always wait!i am not complaining ok i am just asking and i dont think theres anything wrong with that. I was just wondering why we have to wait when evetually what weve been waiting for will come! parang pinapatagal pa! im gonna answer myself... maybe in that instance of waiting, that time is not yet the right time for it to come. everything has a purpose ika nga, kya siguro even the waiting part of life has a purpose. whatchatink?! am i still making sense?
now they've textd me! the 9 am miting was supposed to be at 1:30 pm pa daw! eh ok pla eh! i came here at around 9 am now theyre telling me that its been moved to 1:30! aus pla eh! how come paiba iba ang isip ng tao...di nila alam kung ano ang gusto nila at di alam kung anong oras na ba?! may sense ba?!

UNDONE

2004-10-04T09:48:00.000+08:00

sometimes I wish so much that i could forget
the things that give me such unequalled grief
i wish not to remember them and yet
they come to me unwelcome like a theif
they come when i from company withdraw
when i, in silence and in quiet, stay
they come so deathly silent but they gnaw
through my heart as a rodent to its prey
they send me plunging down the deep ravine
where lies the failures of my anguished life
that in despair i sigh for what might have been
a life unhindered by a single strife....

-carlo suzara

sedated

2004-10-03T18:42:00.000+08:00

I've been siting on this chair since 10 am this morning and i've been doing a lot of schoolwork. My minds been twisted and stretched already and i can seem to think straight. Everything so confusing and it's killing me, hanep pare ang gulo ng isipan ko! parang at one point i just want to break free... free myself from everything... from people, from work, from school, from life itself. psible ba yun?! ung sa ilang minuto man lng ika'y maging isang kaluluwa na lumulutang na wlang pakialam sa mga nangyayari sa mundo mo o sa mundo natin. kakaiba ung iniisip ko? siguro nga, pero ito'y dahil sa paghihirap na ating dinadanas ngayon.
I sit by my chair and the only solace i get is the solace i get from the cigarette that i'm smoking. i breathe out and out comes the this heavy feeling... and sarap!
hahahaha! la na akong msabi!