Its been a while since i last made my entry here. Time has not been that good to me the past few months. The clock has been ticking against me and my will and it hasnt been good to others as well.
The months passed without without me being in a place where i truly want to be in. In some moments fate judges me as if I were on my last walk to my goal. I havent acheived much of my own goal since certain people and situations hinder me from having hold the things Ive longed for for so long.
Time has worked against my capability to love. It has been a baricade from pursuing the person who i want to spend time with (not again). Although attachments of the other party is, well, a very big factor ( and i mean huge ). Still that doesnt stop me from showing this love i have ... this feeling i have. Nothing stops me from doing this... except for time. My time.. or Her time.. It doesnt matter. What it boils down to is that every second has been spent on not so important shit. Well, if it is important its not what will make me, and hopefully us, happy.
It hasnt been all bad for me. I mean, it has been cruel but not all the time. I have had days when I hang out and chill or even get drunk with very good friends. These are moments I truly, truly cherish. But then again these moments are short lived. Its either I have a curfew, or they have a curfew or we just have to go our separate ways for some unavoidable circumstance.
Cant I just get a knife or a bolo and try cutting myself into pieces without bleeding? Or better yet clone myself... complete with my personality and my gestures.. and just spend time with each and every person, movement or organization that wants or needs me. This way everyone will be pleased. My friends will have more gimiks with me. My parents would not always get mad if Im not home again. Organizations I am part of will better utilize me and my "skills". And I would have more time for myself... to on a deserted island and spend a day or two alone. And if I dont need the clones anymore... I could just put them inside the closet and bring them out again if I need them.
Clearly what I am trying to imagine cannot be done. Well its only wishful thinking. There are just moments in ones life when you start to think of the apathy of time. How fast it goes, or sometimes how slowly it moves or sometimes how it isnt enough. Well thats just the way life goes. I guess it is just a matter of responsibility of your own time and giving considerations to the time of others. Life is a give and take situation. Give what time wants and time will eventually give you what you need.
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