RED CANDLE
I sit alone by the pane
As I see the setting sun
Light slowly fades
and darness envelops
my tiny world
I stay in the stillness of silence
and yearn for some glow
I search
and bump at every corner
of my isolation to find light
I take hold of something
something thats seems to be red
in my eyes and i light it up
It soon sparks up
my small, lonely space
and gives a silvery glitter
to my drowning eyes.
It rains on my cheeks
and i feel myself
melting away with what i was holding
I pause
and thought of
the apathy of time
How cruel it can be
how fast time passes
how deep the pain it caused
My own light starts to fade away
i am left with nothing
but a bruised chest
I blow the light.
With the smoke it forms,
I fly into silence
and darkness
Never to return
-CALOI
In life there are some things that totally changes your being. Once It passes you can never bring it back or you can nevr bring back what you have lost in you. You struggle to bring everything back but it seems like everything you do is not enough.
I've lost a part of me in one instance in my life. I liked who i was before then it happened. Somebody took away what i loved and what i held important in my life. Then everything changed. I was changed. I really dont know why i changed or why it affected me so bad. All i know is that at first i blamed...somebody. In time i realized I had to blame myself. I blame myself because i brought it upon me. Partly it was somebody else' fault but come to think of it, why did i let it or what happened, change me?! Did i make the wrong move? wat i wrong the whole time? Up to now i dont know.
Some people say that in some aspects i am a much better person but some say i amn not. I no longer know what to believe in and i dont trust much anymore. What happened to me? I want what i had lost. I miss who i was but i like who i am no as well. Can't i have it both. I guess not.
God only knows when the time will come when i would be totally happy with who i am. i love myslef but i love what i had as well. Maybe someday soon i can have it back... I really dont know.
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